Internet Romance Gone Bad

February 20, 10:35 AMRomance ExaminerSally Painter

You’ve heard stories of successful internet romances and then there are the horror stories of deception and in some cases tragedy.

How can you avoid this kind of incident to your internet romance? 

It’s easy for people to disguise themselves over the internet. It’s not a unique story of a woman flying to meet a man. She's out of her own territory and trapped. What can you do to assure this scenario doesn’t happen to you? 

Take it slower. The most common mistakes made is believing that going to his home you’re somehow protecting your privacy and home, just in case it doesn’t go well. While could be true, it also leaves you in a very vulnerable position.

The two of you are in a response habit so when you come face to face, everything is going to change in the way you’re accustomed to communicating with each other. That's another reason why a webcam is helpful in bridging the transition from internet to in-person communication. You should also be prepared for the real person not matching the internet persona. If this happens, then it will create an array of emotions - all conflicting with the image held in your mind of the man you were certain you knew. Denial will be the first reaction. All relationships are built on trust as they should be, but for an internet romance a new set of rules apply.

Before meeting in person, meet via a webcam. It sounds like something the average person would immediately want to do with a new love interest and if your newfound boyfriend offers excuses why he can’t connect a webcam, then maybe you should reassess the romance. Why wouldn’t he want to see you before meeting in person? Webcams are built into computers or easily installed for around $20. So if your internet lover stalls on the webcam request, things just might not be as he's portrayed them to be.  

• After a few webcam conversations and everything still feels right to you, then the step to meet in person.
   
• A first in person meeting should be viewed as a first date. The internet affords a faster progression of romance than in person romances. In a dating scenario, intimacy happens in a natural and gradual building process.
   
• Designate a neutral place for your first date. It can be in another city or another part of your hometown. Remain on your own turf. You have your support system in place with friends and possibly family.
   
• Have him stay at a hotel, not with you and certainly don’t go to his home.
   
• Your first meeting should be in a public place. Think in terms of a first date. How would you act? Where would you go?
   
• Your first date should be well-planned. That includes an escape route should it not go well. Always have a Plan B and a Plan C. Work out the details ahead of time. Know what you'll do in case you need to exit. What would you say? How would you excuse yourself?
   
• Arrange for a friend to call you at a set time. Have a code word that will alert your friend you need rescuing from the date or a code word to let your friend know it's going well. If the worse case scenario happens, then you can use the call as an excuse to leave.

While this may all sound very elementary to you and the kind of plans you'd have for any first date, it's surprising how many women fail to do this when meeting an internet lover. Perhaps those natural instincts and plain common sense planning are destroyed in a relationship built upon hours spent IMing each other. You feel you know him better than yourself and hopefully that'll prove to be true when you meet that first time in person.

So view your first meeting the same way you would view a first date with a stranger. Sure you’ve spent a year’s worth of hours discussing everything you can think of, but when you meet in person, there's going to be a moment of awkwardness as you learn to respond to each other without a keyboard. 

If all goes well on the first date, then both of you will benefit by allowing the normal process of getting to know each other to unfold. 

While none of these precautions can ensure your online romance turns into the love of a lifetime, it'll certainly safeguard you ending up trapped with a man you fear.