Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

There’s a plethora of literature out there written by warrior moms who will stop at nothing to recover their child from autism. The most famous warrior mom, actress Jenny McCarthy, has written two books on the subject. The stories have the same familiar narrative: angst upon learning the diagnosis; seeking the cause (Ms. McCarthy blames vaccines); researching and deciding on treatments; and the sacrifices--personal, financial and familial--made to carry out treatments.

All warrior moms decide early on that they will try anything to heal their autistic child. I’ve done my research, and the only proven autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish oil, chelation (a controversial detoxification), to name a few—do not have a large body of well-designed and independently verified research backing up their claims of recovering autism patients.

Some say that the medical community, ruled by pharmaceutical interests, is slow to accept innovation. While I agree with this contention to a point, I also think that there is a lot of unchecked emotion in the autism debate. Reason doesn’t always come into play when it comes to caring for our children. For example, warrior moms will often say, “I didn’t want to look back and wonder if there was something I should have done.” I’ve thought that numerous times, too, but doing something just for the sake of working out our personal anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.

I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don’t love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn’t make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.