Alabama is king when it comes to weird politics

May 1, 2:58 PMBirmingham Libertarian ExaminerStephen Gordon

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While I've recently defended Alabama politics from some wiseacre City Councilman in New York, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention some of the nutball characters who have entered the political arena in the deep south.

Before we pick on Alabama, it might be fun to take a trip next door, where Georgia gubernatorial candidate Neal Horsley readily admits to having had sex with a mule.  Here's how Dylan Otto Krider tells the tale:

"No, that's why I'm running for Governor because I don't have any skeletons in my closet," he says. " I’ve talked about things people would never have talked about. Any skeletons I have, I take them out and rattle them around."

"What kinds of things?" I ask.

Without missing a beat, he says, "You know what you’re thinking about has been out there..."

"We're talking about the mule now?"

Yes, he says. The mule.

"A small mule?" I ask.

"No, a full grown mule," he says. "She loved me, though."

Horsley seems to have more affection for mules than for his own children, too.

"Your own family are going to be your greatest enemy because unless you love me more than you love your father, your son, your wife, your daughter, you’re not fit to be my disciple," he explained when recalling how he came close to killing his son one time.

It would be hard to beat politicians having sex with mules for weirdness, but I think I can prove that Alabama can claim the grand prize for bizarre politics. 

Legislative fisticuffs

For a warm-up, it's worth the 15 second investment to watch the beginning of this YouTube clip of Alabama State Senators Charles Bishop and Lowell Barron breaking out the boxing gloves because one allegedly called the other a son of an expletive.

Fahrenheit 451

Let's not forget State Representative Gerald Allen, who tried to move Alabama even deeper into the dark ages when he reintroduced the concept of book burning.

"I don't look at it as censorship," says State Representative Gerald Allen. "I look at it as protecting the hearts and souls and minds of our children."

Books by any gay author would have to go: Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote and Gore Vidal. Alice Walker's novel "The Color Purple" has lesbian characters.

Allen originally wanted to ban even some Shakespeare. After criticism, he narrowed his bill to exempt the classics, although he still can't define what a classic is. Also exempted now Alabama's public and college libraries.

Budweiser, Miller and Coors "drink pretty good (sic)"

Here is Representative Alvin Holmes in the video on the right.  He objected to legislation which would allow for the legal purchase of gourmet beers in the state.  He should try freeing his mind before he starts objecting to the Free the Hops bill.

The Great Sex Toy Debate

Of course, when one wants to laugh about Alabama politics, The Great Sex Toy Debate provides great fodder. 

"A shower head could be considered a sex toy,"  Representative John Rogers said when defending legislation to legalize vibrating goodness in the state. "It's just bringing the state into the 20th century."

Some folks, like Alabama Attorney General Troy King, don't wish to be in even the 20th century, though.  His opposition to sex toys led to a delightful exchange with libertarian activist Loretta Nall, who suggested that people mail some sex toys to the AG's office.  Nall ended up mailing King a blow-up pig, which resulted in this political cartoon at the Mobile Press-Register:

Courtesy of the Croweblog

Exposing boobs (who write political columns)

Nall is no stranger to exposing Alabama prudes to the national media. Explaining her Flash for Cash online fundraising scheme which went viral, her press release stated: "Thanks to political columnist Bob Ingram, Loretta Nall is best known lately for two things -- both of them on her chest. 'In 55 years of political writing,' Ingram noted in a recent column about a photo of Nall, 'that was a first for me -- a picture in my column of a woman displaying cleavage ... [my mother] wouldn't have approved of that picture.'"

Below is one of the many national interviews inspired by this titillating campaign.

Sex toys and death

One can't talk about sex toys, politics and Alabama without bringing up the case of former Jerry Falwell employee and Montgomery minister Gary Aldridge, who died in a most bizarre manner -- one which included having a "dildo in the anus covered with a condom."  One doesn't normally laugh when reading an autopsy report, but this one is certainly an exception to the rule.

Holocaust deniers hit mainstream politics

Of course, there is 2006 Attorney General candidate Larry Darby who made a national splash when he said that typhus, not the Holocaust, killed the Jews in Europe during World War II.

In an interview Friday with The Associated Press, Darby said he believes no more than 140,000 Jewish people died in Europe during World War II, and most of them succumbed to typhus.

Historians say about 6 million Jews were slaughtered by the Nazis, but Darby said the figure is a false claim of the “Holocaust industry.”

Darby said he will speak Saturday near Newark, N.J., at a meeting of National Vanguard, which bills itself as an advocate for the white race. Some of his campaign materials are posted on the group’s Internet site.

“It’s time to stop pushing down the white man. We’ve been discriminated against too long,” Darby said in the interview.

Tyson said he does not consider Darby to be a serious candidate.

Tyson may not have considered Darby serious, but 43 percent of Alabama's Democrats did.

The wrath of voters and the wrath of God

It would be impossible to cover stupid southern politicians without bringing up Alabama State Senator Hank Erwin, who managed to embarrass Alabama on the national stage when he blamed Hurricane Katrina on the sinful ways of those living on the Gulf Coast.

"New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast have always been known for gambling, sin and wickedness,” he said.  He never explained why the hurricane didn't hit southern California or New York City.

Payback's a female dog, though.  This YouTube provides evidence that folks in his district want him out of office.

In the spirit of bipartisanship

Obviously, being bizarre is bipartisan in nature.  I don't think either major party can lay claim to having more whackjobs than their counterpart.  And when it comes to weirdness in politics, I don't think any state can compete with Sweet Home Alabama.