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Coming out atheist vs. coming out gay
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Promo image from the OutCampaign website
The gay rights movement has often been compared to the civil rights and women’s suffrage movements because it is based on equality for everyone regardless of sexual orientation. However, the atheist movement has made comparisons with the gay rights movement for different reasons. Atheists, in general, want separation of church and state and to fight against religious discrimination. However, the thing that makes the atheist movement and the gay rights movement very similar is visibility. Unless people are open about their sexuality or their lack of belief, the effects that discrimination has is largely invisible. Unlike the fight for the rights of blacks and women, it’s not physically obvious who is gay or atheist.
These movements benefit largely from the willingness of people to “come out.” The gay rights movement gained a lot of ground by encouraging people to come out of the closet and let people know that gay people aren’t just flashy drag queens who party every night, but that they are also your neighbor, your friend, your relative, and your coworker. This puts a face on the gay rights movement, a face that wasn’t flashy gay pride but normal people who lived normal productive lives and want the same rights as everyone else. I think atheists can learn a valuable lesson from this. The more people who come out atheist, the better ability we have to dislodge this notion that the U.S. is a “Christian Nation” or a nation of “many faiths.”
There is a joke I have heard a few times that addresses the issue of coming out atheist. If you’re afraid to tell your parents that you’re an atheist, just tell them you’re gay and after they are done flipping out say, “Don’t worry, I’m not gay, I’m only an atheist.” The interesting thing is that coming out atheist can be much harder than coming out gay.
When I first went down the road of atheism, it was a struggle. In the Catholic religion with which I was raised, there is a sacrament of Confirmation that happens around the age of 14. The basic purpose is to confirm the religion that was placed on you without your consent through Baptism. In my personal experience, I had come to the conclusion that I did not accept the doctrine of the Catholic Church and so I did not want to confirm myself in a religion with which I had serious doubts. This caused many arguments within my family, claiming I should “just do it” or I will “regret it later.” It wasn’t until the pastor of our church did a homily stating that if your kid has doubts, they shouldn’t get confirmed that my family backed off. However, I remember a conversation with my mother where I said I was agnostic and she said, “Well, at least you’re not an atheist.” A year or two later I finally came to the conclusion I was an atheist, but at that point my family was resigned to the fact.
My experience with coming out as a bisexual was extremely different. I was very homophobic in my younger years, which I think stemmed from my religious upbringing. I always thought I was straight because I knew I liked men and I simply ignored the part of me that was attracted to women. Eventually, well after I had abandoned religion, I did a self examination and came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. I remember saying it out loud to myself and it felt right. As soon as I knew, I didn’t try to hide it. Coming out to my parents was pretty much, “By the way, I’m bi,” and the response to that was “We still love you no matter what.” That was it.
Granted, my parents are very moderate Catholics and reasonable, loving parents. I do find it interesting that the atheism was a little harder to accept than my bisexuality, but no matter what, I never doubt for a second that they love and accept me. I’m lucky to have such understanding parents. Religion is not a taboo subject and we can have honest conversations about our beliefs and no one gets offended. However, I have heard many stories that do not have such a good ending. Many atheists who come out to their families, especially in fundamentalist families, find themselves disowned. Coming out atheist can sometimes be much worse than coming out gay.
Why is that the case?
The answer is relatively simply. Homosexuality is considered a sin, and even that depends on what brand of Christianity you accept. There are many denominations that do not believe homosexuality is wrong despite the damning language in the Bible. The fact that homosexuality is a sin means it can be forgiven, provided you change a vital part of your personal identity.
Atheists, on the other hand, are an anathema. In many religions, any sin can be forgiven accept the sin of not believing. Atheists deny the entire belief systems that many people base their life off of. It’s much different to break one aspect of the doctrine, it’s another thing entirely to claim the doctrine is wrong and furthermore to claim that the religion is a myth, similar to that of the Greek gods.
If you firmly believe that there is a heaven and hell and that if you deny Jesus or the Holy Spirit you have earned yourself a one way ticket to that horrible place, finding out that your own child has committed this mortal sin can have devastating effects. It can cause real pain for everyone involved. However, that’s not to say that coming out atheist is always harder than coming out gay. I fully understand that coming out gay can have similar, devastating effects depending on the family.
Coming out as an atheist is a very personal choice and no one should be pressured into doing something that can have a serious, negative impact on their life. I do, however, think more atheists need to come out. Just like the gay rights movement, we can gain more visibility and more understanding once people realize that atheists are not Satan worshipers, but rather normal people living normal lives.
There is a campaign started by Richard Dawkins, a well-known and outspoken atheist, which encourages other atheists to come out of the closet. It is known as The OUT Campaign. As the website states:
The OUT Campaign allows individuals to let others know they are not alone. It can also be a nice way of opening a conversation and help to demolish the negative stereotypes of atheists. Let the world know that we are not about to go away and that we are not going to allow those that would condemn us to push us into the shadows.”
This is one example of the many ways atheists benefit from being more outspoken. I encourage anyone who is comfortable with their atheism to come out. The more people who come out and profess their lack of belief, the more we can combat the negative stereotypes and religiously motivated discrimination.
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