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Top 10 guilty pleasure games
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Nothing says "volleyball" like...umm...her.
We all have games that we play when no one else is around. Maybe they are game that might hurt our gamer cred. Maybe they are games that would have our significant others yelling at us if they caught us playing them. Whatever the case, these are the kinds of games that you would rather not have on your gamer profile, but you just can’t help it.
Here are the top 10 guilty pleasure games (or game experiences), with number 1 being the guiltiest of all.
10. Pokémon – Pokémon is pretty much a role playing game series for kids. It’s simple, easy, and fun. So I was somewhat surprised when I got on to a D.C. bound metro train to see a grown man, probably in his 40s, wearing a business suit with a DS in his hands playing it. When he realized he had an onlooker, he quickly turned the screen away, as if to say “you just thought you saw Pokémon. I’m really playing Contra 4.” But the sad truth is, Pokémon, while not the hippest thing around for people over 12 years old, is actually a quality game, even if it does make you look like a dork.
9. God of War 2 – Okay, so this may seem like an odd choice, and it is. After all, God of War is a cool game, and lots of people have enjoyed it. But deep inside, there’s that voice that tells us “this is wrong” and we do it anyway. Many heard that voice the first time they ripped an enemy in half. Many heard it when they smashed a scholar up just so they could use his blood to complete a puzzle. And then there was the totally gangster beating Kratos put on Theseus, ending with Thesues impaled (by his own spear), and then slamming his head in a giant metal door over and over again. Best friend hook up with your girl? Someone hit your car and didn’t leave a note? Did it rain on your wedding day? Or perhaps you were offered a free ride, but you had already paid for it. If you answered “yes” to any of those questions (except the last one, since it wasn’t really a question), then you are in the right mindset to take hold of Kratos and go head smashing. Or is the term, get all “OJ” on somebody?
8. Any game with Mai Shiranui– Back in the heyday of arcade beat ‘em ups, when Street Fighter II and Mortal Kombat were king, SNK released a title called Fatal Fury 2 for the Neo Geo. One of the selectable characters was named Mai, and if you won a match with her, there was a chance that you would see her winning pose where her ample chest area bounced rigorously with the generously animated frames. This was fairly subtle, but it was a “feature” that was carried over to each iteration of Mai ever created. As time wore on, and games came out, Mai’s breasts grew bigger, and became more and more animated. Now, Mai is essentially the queen of all fighting video game breasts, and the possible inspiration for the Dead or Alive franchise.
7. Cooking Mama – Who would have though a game about cooking could be fun, as this game should truly have been a flop, and filed next to all of the other Wii titles that had useless motion controls and generic box covers. However, somewhere in the making of the game, the developers actually got it right. It’s fun to crack eggs and chop fish. And it’s rewarding to complete a meal that is cooked to perfection. The motion controls serve their role well and make the experience all the more visceral. Don't take my word for it. Ask this guy. Just don’t play it around your Killzone 2 buddies.
6. Legends of WrestleMania – If you were a child of the 80s (like I was), then you probably grew up watching George "The Animal" Steele maul turnbuckles and flash his green tongue. Or maybe it was the Ultimate Warrior as he raced down to the ring going wild as the crowd erupted. And who can forget that iconic song that played when Hulk Hogan made his way to the ring. These are the reasons that I secretly play Legends of WrestleMania. It allows me to relive my childhood, even if I have outgrown professional wrestling.
5. SingStar – There’s a sad truth that most of us have to face. We can’t sing. We suck at karaoke or any other venue where singing is an option. And yet, SingStar makes singing so much fun. So when everyone is out of the house, it’s easy to lock the door, close the blinds, and belt out your favorite tunes. The only judge is the computer, and that’s a relatively lenient judge if you put the difficulty on the easiest setting. So if you want to boost your ego without hurting anyone else’s ear drums, this is the game for you.
4. Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 – Most sports games take a fair amount of concentration and dexterity. However, Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 can be played, and played well, with one hand. Was this an intentional design decision? Perhaps. After all, the gameplay mechanics feature volleyball and a handful of other mini games where girls who are wearing next to nothing romp around while their breasts enjoy the physics of the surrounding world. There is even a dating mechanic thrown in for good measure. With an all-girl roster of people you can become friendly with, it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to see where that is going.
3. Dynasty Warriors – This game sucks. The graphics are poor, even for the Playstation 2. The combat is repetitive, with a minimal number of moves and combos to master. And the stages feel like the same thing over and over again. So why is this a guilty pleasure? Because for some reason, it’s actually fun to play. Sometimes you come home from a rough day at work, and you just want to slaughter 5,000 Chinese guys, and no other game around lets you do it. No other series has quite mastered the gameplay mechanic of checking your brain at the door and totally veg out like Dynasty Warriors has.
2. Playboy: The Mansion – If you like the Sims, and want to play a watered down version of it that actually showcases the sex, this game is for you. It’s actually a halfway decent recapturing of the Sims idea with a party theme thrown in for good measure. But come on. Is anyone playing this game to build up houses and furnish them with all of the perfect pieces? No. You’re playing this game to get a piece, and build up to the perfect…well, I think you get the rest.
1. Leisure Suit Larry – Back in the PC-only days of this franchise, Larry’s adventures were more oriented towards item finding fetch-quests. However, they have evolved into full blown sexual escapades with mini games thrown in. While Leisure Suit Larry isn’t a good game, it’s definitely a game that knows what it is. However, the joke is largely on the consumer when it comes to this one, as getting to the “good stuff” is often a task that will take hours, leaving many to give up before they get to see what they bought the game for. The bottom line is that this game is terrible, but people will play it just to see the goods, and that’s why it’s number 1. Because there really are no redeeming qualities for it except for the cheap thrills it offers.
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