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I think I need a retirement consultant
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I’m not exactly retired, but I think I need a retirement consultant. They have them now, you know. Really they do. I read about them today in a magazine. You can actually hire one of these people to help you retire.
At first I nearly laughed my head off when I read the article. What would one of these guys actually do for me if and when I’m ever ready to retire?
Okay, Ms. Laub, I want you to practice not setting your alarm clock tomorrow morning and getting up any time you’d like. Do you think you could do that for me? That’s a good girl, just sleep in today. Oh, don’t worry that it’s Wednesday. You’re retired now, remember? That’s a good girl, now do you think you could manage to face your fears and not go to the office? I’ll be happy to consult with you about how to go to the movies in the middle of a weekday afternoon or take a yoga class at 11 am. I’m sure you couldn’t figure that out for yourself. And our most important lesson will be how to go to the bank when the lines aren’t so long, so you can withdraw enough money to pay me my fee. Oh, you don’t have an income any more? No problem. What do you think social security is for? 
But I stopped laughing when I started thinking about my failed attempts to play golf every day this week. Now I believe that maybe I could use one of these consultants to help me figure out my problem. No matter what time we tried to play, as soon as we shoed up, loaded the clubs onto the pull carts and got near the clubhouse, the lightning alarm went off, the skies went black and we had to leave. Today we actually did get to finish the first hole before the skies opened up. Hey, I know it’s summertime in Florida and it rains a lot. But still. This is ridiculous. Apparently, I’ll never be prepared to retire if I can’t become skilled at knowing the right time to tee off so in order to finish eighteen holes.
Because I’m still only in peri-retirement, I don’t quite know whom to Google or Bing that can help me. So if anyone knows how to find a retirement consultant for a not-quite-retired frustrated golfer, please let me know.
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