Holidays 411: Improve your toddler's table manners in time for the holidays

November 13, 12:59 PMBaby and Toddler ExaminerDarby Herrington

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Manners schmanners...                                 [Source]

Mealtime with a toddler is often more like a hostage standoff with an irrational negotiator than a harmonious gathering to break bread with the family.  Instead of a relaxing conversation of "tell me about what you did today, sweetie," mom and dad typically spend the entire meal barking instructions and reminders to keep their toddler on task and in her seat. 

Then there is the inevitable negotiation:  how many more bites of vegetables she needs to eat before she can leave the table.  This does not occur without pathetic whining, pouting and the occasional tantrum.  It is exhausting.  The only happy camper at the end of the meal is the dog, who scores oodles of table scraps as a result of the disfunctional meal. 

While parents of toddlers accept the fact that they may not be able to eat out in public for years, they may forget the holidays can mean large, and sometimes more formal, meals with family and friends, some of whom do not have children.  If you just said "Oh, $^#&" to yourself, read on.

How to improve your toddler's table manners

• Stay in your seat - Yes, this means YOU, parents.  Have you noticed that every time you get up from the dinner table to answer the phone, get something out of the refrigerator or let the dog outside, your toddler wants to get up too?  They have short attention spans, so it is very easy for them to decide to get up to do something else in a split second.  This is not really a problem if your toddler is still strapped in a booster at the table, but once he is sitting like a big boy and can get out of his chair on his own, it is a whole new ballgame.  Set a good example by staying in your seat and point out to him how everybody sits together until they are excused.  If necessary, enlist a mild punishment such as a time-out in the other room every time he gets up.  Do not make returning to the table his punishment or he will only want to get up again.  Make mealtime interesting and an overall pleasant time with the family and he will want to stick around.
• Utensils - Who needs a fork when grabbing a fistful of spaghetti is so much easier?  Toddlers have fun making messes, which is okay at the table...to an extent.  Between two and three years of age, toddlers should be exclusively using utensils to eat.  Be consistent and gently remind him to use his spoon or fork every time he reaches to eat with his fingers.  Encourage him that big boys use utensils and applaud him for a job well done.
• Be clear about the major no-nos at the table - There are some things that are obviously not acceptable at the dinner table.  Be clear about what these are and stop them before they start.  Some examples of mealtime faux pas:  spitting, yelling, throwing things (ie: food, forks), putting feet up on the table, playing with food, tipping back in a chair, spitting out food while saying "yuck!", and talking with a mouthful of food.
• Politeness matters - Saying 'please' and 'thank you' in general should be started at a very early age.  Being polite at the table is something that can be taught early as well.  Set a good example by being polite when you speak to your toddler.  "Sit in your seat, please," as opposed to "sit down," will ingrain that politeness matters, especially during mealtime.  Expand on this by teaching your toddler not to interrupt when someone else is talking and saying "excuse me" if she needs your attention.  When finished with her meal, get her in the good habit of asking to be excused from the table. 
• Be realistic - Younger toddlers will have a harder time with using table manners due to their short attention spans.  They may only make it through ten to fifteen minutes at the table before they have totally lost interest and need to move on.  Keeping your toddler at the table longer than she can really handle will only result in undesirable behavior.  Even though the adults may keep dining, know when to wrap it up for your toddler.  Excuse her from the table to go do a quiet activity, such as reading or coloring.  She will stay occupied and the adults can enjoy the rest of their meal with minimal distraction. 

Work every day until then on your toddler's table manners so she is ready for the holiday meals with friends and family.  Who knows, maybe you will even get some kudos from your family members at how good and polite she is at the dinner table.  Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet.

Next:  Holidays 411:  A cynic's amusing view of how to ensure your relatives enjoy your kids during the holidays.

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