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Dallas Cowboys: The most embarassing franchise in the NFL
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"Y'all just make sure to buy those season tickets now, y'hear?" (Getty Images)
There are four winless teams in the NFL this season, and none of their addresses end in Dallas.
When it comes to the monetary ability to select and sign the finest talent, they are among the league elite.
Perhaps no greater sporting palace rises anywhere on the planet.
There are fewer proud American athletic standards to bear, aided by a loyal fan base among the most rabid in professional sports.
All of which can lead to one inescapable conclusion.
The Dallas Cowboys are the most embarrassing franchise in the NFL.
The impetus for this statement came while I was in a somewhat packed watering hole Sunday, the only place I could view the later afternoon games without having to (A) be forced to watch the pathetic local drivel being shoveled thanks to NFL broadcast rules, and (B) view the games without having to be bound and gagged by the fiscal extortion of buying the entire season via satellite in order to view only the really important and interesting games.
Down the field streaks Miles Austin with the game winning touchdown in OT against Kansas City, and the previously moribund Dallas fans in attendance celebrated as if the recipient of one free pizza at the new Texas Stadium, which in some portions of the Lone Star State is worth the same as six months mortgage.
That’s when I noticed one member of the faithful, wearing Cowboys colors and just another dozen serving of fried pickles away from the next triple-bypass, parade around the establishment screaming not words of praise for his team.
Rather a continuous chorus of “F--- YOU” to anyone within spitting distance, accompanied by both middle fingers raised aloft to punctuate a dance soon to be banned faster than the Lambada.
This beer soaked simpleton, and plenty of his conspirators, were giddy and face-shoving those IQ point fingers celebrating a victory.
Over the then 0-4, and now 0-5, Kansas City Chiefs.
A team that started this game 29th in Total Offense. 29th in Total Offense.
Committing two turnovers. Thirteen penalties.
Needing overtime to defeat one of the worst teams in the NFL.
Pathetic.
But there is so much more evidence leading to this unshakable tag of embarrassment.
This was the Cowboys 3rd win of the season. Their first two came against teams that still haven’t slapped a “W” in the column this season (Tampa Bay and Carolina).
The starting QB of this venerable franchise started the week rated below Matt Cassell of the Chiefs. Despite tying and setting several Cowboys QB records, no one sees Tony Romo as a Super Bowl caliber leader. Witness his playoff exploits. And this once-proud franchise has not only chosen to stick with him, but plan for the future by having Jon Kitna and Stephen McGee as depth.
A franchise with money to burn, (check those beer prices at the new Stadium), yet the best they continue to foist upon their fans as a Head Coach is Wade Phillips. Not only is he not as amusing as his legendary dad “Bum”, he’s not nearly as game-smart. His mistakes against the Giants this season certainly helped cough up that game. And let’s not forget that playoff record.
Again.
An organization with enough resources to have the smartest draft experts on the payroll, yet with a record in the Jerry Jones years just short of disastrous when it comes to those all-important middle round picks. Refer to the fact Dallas has a winning record in only 5 of the last 10 seasons for that note on consistency.
And speaking of the NFL’s answer to Joan Rivers, Jones can’t keep his greed-stained hands away from the team.
He hired an Offensive Coordinator before hiring Phillips as Head Coach. He won’t fire Phillips because Wade shuts up and does what he is told. He has flat-out lied in promising not to undermine his coaches.
Joey Galloway and Terrell Owens ring a bell?
And let’s not forget a new stadium costing almost $2B dollars, and not bothering to run a tape measure to the scoreboard insuring an average punter couldn’t nail it.
The Cowboys have gobs of money. Facilities second to none. Gullible fans willing to pay outrageous prices for everything from suites to socks.
And what they have delivered is a team that has lost four straight playoff games as a lowly wild card. Hasn’t been to the Super Bowl since 1996. And remains a miserable failure at bringing in the right people who could affect real, positive change.
Because no matter how much lucre they’ve tried to toss at some very football-wise people, they’ve been turned down flatter than several pre-op Cowboys cheerleaders.
Needing overtime to defeat a winless team that is only just beginning the rebuilding process.
Those Cowboys faithful screaming at the top of their disappointed lungs better stop right now insisting that Oakland is in much worse shape than America’s Former Team. No one expects anything even remotely resembling intelligent and competitive decisions from the NFL’s answer to Dracula.
But they do expect it from the Cowboys. Experts expect it. Fans expect it. Even those who hate the Cowboys expect it. And there’s no reason this franchise shouldn’t be able to deliver something more than Pyrrhic victories over teams they should bury.
Which means first digging out from a cow-chip mountain of well-ingrained embarrassment.
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