Simplify the 'HoliDays of your Lives' with this 'Corday Bird' recipie from 'SudsBuried Farms'

Image-Dennis Cox-Dreamstime

     No matter how upset you are about the exit of John and Marlena on "Days of our Lives" you still have to cook for your family and friends on Thanksgiving, right?  Why not pick up the Corday Bird (free range of course without hormonal interference) from "SudsBuried Farms" and just watch a parade or some football while you cook.  And do remember to imbibe in one of your favorite cocktails because the soaps won't be on anyway.  Face it--giant turkey day floats and a bunch of hot guys wearing spandex while kicking a football around will be a refreshing change from the soaps anyway.  The nightmare in Salem will most definitely be erased from your memory for at least one day if you pick up the Corday Bird from "SudsBuried Farms" but do remember to follow this Corday Bird recipe to get the best results.

• Remove suit and tie from the Corday Bird
• No need to remove the heart or any other innards because their aren't any
• Drown the Corday Bird as opposed to rinsing.  Get out the Oxydol for this step
• Blow dry the Corday Bird and pierce the skin--if you do not have a pitch fork handy, a meat fork will do nicely, but you will have to exert a little more energy to make this work because you really want to stab this bird with everything you have in you
• Stuff the bird into a pot and cover with water adding an ample amount of sea salt or rock salt if that's all you have on hand
• Stick the pot with the Corday Bird outside and let him sit for at least 24 hours--I think this is called brining the bird
• If you aren't lucky enough to have a stray animal cart your prized Corday Bird off, you still have some work to do
• Remove the bird from the pot and blow dry him once again---there's nothing quite like the fluffy blown dried feathers of a Corday bird
• Concoct a blend of your favorite seasonings and rub them into the Corday Bird--and---if you don't have long fingernails, find a friend who does--the more you hurt this turkey, the better he will taste
• Once the bird is rubbed he's ready to be roasted--if he asks for stuffing--just tell him to stuff it
• Roast the Corday Bird for 3 hours a pound at 900 degrees--it's okay to go shopping while he is cooking but just don't tell your local fire department I said that
• Once the Corday Bird is 'completely cooked' remove him from the oven and allow him to 'rest' sort of like those fired characters from "Days of our Lives" Marlena and John are supposed to be doing
• Once cool enough to carve, slice away the most expensive and worthwhile part of the meat and simply toss it away 

     The bird recipe is up but if you have any ideas for side dishes, desserts or cocktails that coud accompany the Corday roasted bird, do let post them here.