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Find out more about Michelle: Michelle Kerns writes for a disturbingly eccentric collection of print and online publications. She watches the movie Hot Fuzz every Thursday night, passionately adores the literary character Melrose Plant, and believes strongly in the four food groups: red wine, white wine, Guinness, gin. She knows where her towel is. Contact her with rants, raves, recommendations, or review copies here. |
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Why don't you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini? - Robert Benchley
Martinis:
Martinis--particularly dry ones made with gin--have taken on an almost mythical status with many writers and readers. Ernest Hemingway even went so far as to rank dry martini drinking between bull fighting and big-game hunting in his list of the ulimate accomplishments in manly arts.
Of course, the all-time star martini aficionado is Ian Fleming's suave 007 James Bond. When movie-goers got a good look at Sean Connery in Dr. No drinking "one medium dry vodka martini, mixed like you said, sir, and not stirred," the passion for vodka martinis reached fever pitch. Incidentally, Mr. Bond of the books was much more adventurous in his cocktail tastes than his film manifestation made him out to be: throughout Fleming's Bond books and short stories, the spy indulges in everything from Americano Highballs to Gin and Tonics to Old-Fashioneds to Black Velvets (equal parts
However, even Mr. Bond cannot touch Winston Churchill in the martini department. Legend says that Mr. Churchill's martinis were prepared by pouring chilled gin into a glass while glancing across the room at a bottle of vermouth. Sounds good to me.
Recommendations:
- any works by Ian Fleming
- The Sun Also Rises - Ernest Hemingway
- The Portable Dorothy Parker - Dorothy Parker, who famously said: "I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under the host."
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A real Gimlet is half gin and half Rose's Lime Juice and nothing else. It beats martinis hollow.
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Mint Juleps, Scotch and Sodas, neat whiskey:
These are the drinks that separate the men from the boys; they positively scream out for books with enough oomph to make suitable companions.
Recommendations:
- any work by Mark Twain
- any work by William Faulkner, who claimed that he always kept his whiskey within reach while writing
- any work by John Steinbeck
Vodka, neat:
Fill in your favorite Eastern European author here. The only trouble with this category of pairings is that after a tot or two, all of those Russian names begin to look exactly the same.
Recommendations:
- any work by Dostoevsky
- any work by Tolstoy
- Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
- Doctor Zhivago - Boris Pasternak
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Cosmopolitans, Daiquiris, Lemon Drops, other candy-tini manifestations:
Can you say, chick lit?
Recommendations:
- Love Story - Erich Segal
- Sex and the City - Candace Bushnell
- I Don't Know How She Does It - Allison Pearson
- Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
- cheeky Harlequin romances (the kind with ripped, long-haired men tearing the dress off some innocent young thing. Ugh.)
Sherry or Brandy:
British novels from the 1930s and 1940s are simply packed full of polite society ladies having a demure sherry or three before dinner. More feminine than whiskey or ale and packing a bigger punch than wine, these ladies knew what they were doing. As Ogden Nash said: "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."
Recommendations:
- any works by Agatha Christie, particularly those featuring Miss Marple
- The Sweet Dove Died - Barbara Pym
- any works by Angela Thirkell
Screwdrivers, Tequila Sunrises, Bloody Marys:
These quintessential Sunday morning brunch classics are great for a leisurely flip through the paper. Afterwards, you'll be primed to dip your toes into some light intellectual ponderings in the world of politics and science.
Recommendations:
- The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
- A Bold, Fresh Piece of Humanity - Bill O'Reilly
- Hot, Flat, and Crowded - Thomas Friedman
- I'll Be Sober in the Morning - Chris Lamb
Hot toddies and Bishop
If you've never had a hot toddy or held a holiday party featuring a steaming bowl of Bishop (a rich, hot winter punch that goes down easy, then kicks like a mule) you really don't know what you're missing. Nothing can make a freezing winter day an occasion to break into "God Rest You, Merry Gentlemen" better than a hot glass of spiced liquor.
Recommendations:
- any work by Charles Dickens (mulled alcoholic beverages feature largely in his work), but especially A Christmas Carol. Ebenezer Scrooge's journey from the Dark Side is officially capped off at the conclusion of the book by his offer to discuss his clerk, Bob Cratchit's affairs "this very afternoon over a Christmas bowl of smoking Bishop!" I'll drink to that.
My rule of life, prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite...the drinking of alcohol before, after, and, if need be, during all meals, and in the intervals between them. - Winston Churchill
Have an alcohol soaked recommendation? Let us know: leave a comment or send your musings to michellekerns@surewest.net.
And don't forget to give the wine and beer pairings a fair whirl.
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