Feeling guilty that you cheated? Don’t tell him!

April 7, 7:23 PMRelationship ExaminerKristen Houghton

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Anyone who has ever cheated on someone will tell you that one of the worst parts of the heady affair is the feeling of guilt. That feeling that you have hurt someone you love is the human way of reminding ourselves that we have done something “wrong.”  Even if he never knew what was happening, even when the cheating is over and you have sworn to yourself that it will never happen again, you still carry that guilt around with you. Completely wracked with this emotion, you need absolution of some kind so that you can get on with your life. What can you do?

 You’ve talked to your friends; you’ve even haunted the internet looking for a “Cheaters

Anonymous,” a place where you can stand up and say,

“Hi, my name is________________,” (here other cheaters will say ‘hi, ______________’), “and I’m a cheater.”

 Like AA, at least you can be with those others who have shared your situation and understand what you’re going through. But even if you did go to a support group, it may not be enough. You are sick with remorse. Talking with other cheaters hasn’t helped. You need to confess what you have done. You need to tell your partner and you need to do it right away!

 But whoa! Slow down! Not so fast with the breast-beating mea culpa. The first thing you need to do is think this decision through thoroughly. The first question you want to ask yourself is the most crucial of all.

“If he truly had no idea about what was going on, do I really want to hurt him by telling him?”

The answer is no.

 While making the big confession about what you have done may be a catharsis to you, think seriously about what it will do to him. You will hurt him beyond any doubt. If you really love him you will find a way to live with the guilt which may not be such a bad thing. Unless it can be used constructively, guilt is a useless emotion. If it causes you to be careful to never cheat again, guilt has served its purpose. 

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2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton 

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