Project Runway Season 5: The most boring season ever.

You may have noticed that I haven’t covered the last episodes of Project Runway – and that’s because this season will go down in history as “the most boring season ever” - harsh words, huh? But compared to past seasons, this one is like watching someone unravel a spool of thread for an hour while saying a catchphrase that will never catch on every fifteen minutes.

Season 5 Designers: (top, left to right) Jerell, Leanne, Wesley, Joe, Korto, Kenley, Daniel, Emily (bottom left to right) Blayne, Jennifer, Kelli, Jerry, Terri, Suede, Keith, Stella — Bravo Photo: Barbara Nitke

Considering this is the last time “make it work” fashionistas will be able to enjoy this on BravoTV, you’d think they’d go all out with a bang complete with outlandish characters, wild challenges, crazy twists and a rowdy bitch that makes Wendy Pepper look like a heavily sedated Miley Cyrus in a field of butterflies and roses made of cotton candy. Unfortunately, this season’s batch of designers doesn’t come close to the much anticipated “sew time” drama of the seasons past.

Sure, the designers have considerable talent, but when Mr. Gunn says that this is the best talent they have ever had, you expect to see these designers to secrete effortless talent out of their pores. I have yet to jump out of my seat to give any of these designers a round of applause in the privacy of my living room every Wednesday night.

The past four seasons have provided us with not only awe inspiring talent, but memorable “characters” as well. Season one gave us LOL moments with the comments from techo-bohemian maestro Jay McCarroll (“I didn’t take the bitch’s dye!” remember that one?), the demure class of Austin Scarlett and of course, who could forget Wendy Pepper and her tactical “Survivor” bullcorn and Blanche Devereaux dresses? Ugh.

As for season two, I have one word for you: Santino. Four more words: “What happened to Andre?” The challenges consisted of everything including Barbie dolls, figure skating costumes, garden party dresses made from real greenery and the best challenge ever: the designers had to take the clothes off their back and make an outfit. Now that’s a real design challenge of creativity – and let’s not forget about Shatangy!

Things started to stumble just a bit for season three, but Jeffrey Sebelia gave us authentic bad boy appeal and Uli charmed us with her crazy print. All the while, the clueless Angela pulled hideous “flershawns” out of her Holly Hobby hat for each challenge. And do you remember that one dude who got kicked off the show? You know what they say – it’s not a reality show until someone gets busted!

As season four rolled around, Christian Siriano immediately stole the show with his asymmetrical faux-flop-hawk-pixie-cut and the overuse of the word “fierce.” Then there was San Francisco’s own Chris March – how could you not fall in love with that infectious laugh? On top of that, Ricky always cried, Rami was a draping stud and Elisa used a spit-sew method.

Now at season five, we have to settle or Blayne’s lame use of “licious,” Stella’s leathery drawl and Suede’s use of the third-person. Blech. The talent is there, but I’m not intrigued. I am not captivated. I am not invested in any of their aesthetics. Plus, it’s better when there is original personality and memorable, funny moments.  What are we going to remember from season five? The fact that Kenley’s a disrespectful biatch? I don’t even love to hate her. How dare she talk to our beloved Tim that way!

This may be the most boring season ever, but I have been keeping up with it. The main difference between this season and the others is that watching it seems like a job rather than recreation.

For some reason, moving the show to Lifetime isn’t exactly making me pee in pants out of excitement for season six.