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Santa tracker 2008: top secret info about world's fastest flier
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Santa's taken off on his around-the-world trip, circling Earth to bring presents to good little girls (I qualified!) and boys. Given the complexity and distance of his annual trip, don't you just bet that rocket designers would love to know what he really has under the hood of his sleigh?
There's Rudolph and the eight tiny reindeer, of course. But what kind of propulsion system enables Santa to fly around the world, stopping everywhere, landing and taking off millions of times, no matter what the weather?
What does he have that he can feather his craft so that he lands gently and quietly up on the housetop? And then take off again to frog hop across the street, or zoom across an ocean?
I've been sleuthing around this year, with the help of some (mostly unreliable) sources. Here's a clue: this year, the folks at Kennedy Space Center went into hyper-drive over Santa's visit to the Shuttle Landing Facility.
The SLF has been a friendly way station for Santa for a long time now. But this year, the public affairs folks at NASA cited an incredibly long list of sites for Santa to visit on the KSC facility. Who has the time, when you have appointments around the world?
Clearly, this is a cover-up. So, here's the real story. While the excellent safing teams secure the sleigh, and give the reindeer some goodies, Santa will be hustled off to the historic Operations & Checkout (O&C) building. There, he'll grab a special small computer, a small engine (top secret!) that looks like a candy cane, a key, duct tape, and a spacesuit (special XXXL).
Slapping the computer on the sleigh's dashboard with duct tape (a space staple), Santa will hot-fire the new mini-engine. Then he'll sail to the International Space Station, use the key, and drop some presents in the docking port.
Next, it's back to Earth, where KSC teams will hitch up the reindeer, and reclaim the engine, spacesuit, duct tape, and key--plus, of course, that computer with test flight data. Will it also track Santa's hidden systems? The jolly guy is pretty good at keeping his secrets--as well as those "naughty and nice" lists!
Santa will be on his way around the world before folks even realize that the blip on the radar screen at the SLF only includes the reindeer. My sources say that this year,the reindeer are wearing GPS tracking devices.
Norad, of course, is tracking Santa. Over at Mission Control in Houston, the flight teams will keep an eye on Santa, too.
They aren't the only ones. Here's eight different ways to track Santa, including, Google Earth and Twitter. (If you see Santa, tweet me!)
Happy holidays, everyone. Please, if you see him, remind Santa that he promised to give me gourmet chocolate.
There's still time to send a little Santa to the space station with free personalized greeting cards.
And, for the adults, here's Santa Baby from everyone's favorite neurotic, Ally McBeal (Calista Flockhart)
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