Who should pay for a date?

2 comments

October 8, 8:57 PM

by Annie Gleason, S.F. Dating Examiner

 

 

The first few dates are a chance to impress someone who you don’t know very well. Since the man usually asks the woman out, and is the traditional pursuer, he should pay. It’s a romantic gesture, and it shows that he is sophisticated. It also signals that he values her and is willing to be generous. Some women may offer to pay their share, indicating, early on, that they’re open to sharing costs in the future. If that happens on the first date, he should decline, taking the opportunity to flirtatiously tell her that the pleasure of her company makes it impossible for him to consider such a thing. He could indicate that he wants to see her again, by telling her he’ll let her pay “next time.”

What if the first date was a big flop? Many women insist on paying after they have decided that they don’t want to see him again. By not accepting his generosity, a woman sends the message that she is holding back. He should consider that this most likely conveys a woman’s indifference.

If she's interested, she should show her willingness to be a potential partner by offering to reciprocate. She could do this by treating him to a post-dinner drink when they go to another venue, or insist on treating him or inviting him to a home-cooked meal by the third or fourth date. Otherwise, he may get the idea that she wants to be taken care of.

As you move into a relationship, your ability to negotiate who pays is a good way to forecast how well you’ll be able to handle the No. 1 issue that drives couples apart: money!

As you can see, there are many factors that go into deciding who pays for a date. How you handle it speaks volumes to the person who you’re courting. A man expresses passion and interest by paying. As a woman, your job is to enjoy his company, appreciate his generosity, and return his interest. As you get to know each other better, you’ll be increasingly conferring about the question of money. Here's to a great love life! Annie

Email your dating questions to annie@getalovelife.net

Dating coach Annie Gleason is the West Coast's premier mid-life dating specialist

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