Richard Grieco is Dead

July 1, 6:19 PMApocalypse ExaminerWyatt Shev

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A composite image of what Grieco might look like if he were with us today

America still reels from the deaths of superstars Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson- not to mention the untimely passings of Ed McMahon, Billy Mays and Karl Malden. Do we really need to undergo any more suffering?

Apparently, yes.

News came to light today that popular actor Richard Grieco has been declared legally dead. 

We're talkin' a full-scale Celebrocalypse here.

Mr. Grieco first found fame as Officer Dennis Booker on popular late-eighties cop melodrama 21 Jump Street. The handsome teen heart-throb was able to parlay this early success into a spin-off, Booker. Unfortunately, the spin-off was unable to emulate the popularity of Jump Street and was canned after just one season.

Devastated and depressed, Grieco quickly fell into a self-destructive spiral, severing his connections with Young Hollywood and experimenting with several poor career choices. It's here that the illness that would later end his life began to fester and grow.

You may remember rumors of Grieco's death swirling around in the early 90's, after the 1991 release of Mobsters. The film- in which Grieco portrayed Bugsy Siegel- was not well received. Contrary to popular belief, Grieco was actually alive during the production's filming, although the resulting video evidence doesn't necessarily corroborate this. At either rate, Grieco's then-agent confirmed the actor was still very much alive -- although his unfortunate condition was growing more severe.

Throughout the 90's, Grieco's illness almost overtook him completely. Sporadic appearances in television dramas such as 95's Marker- in which a wooden Grieco decomposed against a tropical Hawaiian backdrop- only served as fuel for the now-persistent death rumors. After a top-bill appearance in 1997's Mutual Needs- a Playboy-produced soft-core porn movie- Grieco seemed to disappear completely.

Unconfirmed sightings of the multi-talented actor continued throughout the late 90's and into the new millenium, including supposed stints in 98's Sinbad- The Battle of the Dark Knights and 2001's Death, Deceit and Destiny Aboard the Orient Express. However, with no surviving copies of either film, it seems as if Grieco's alleged involvement will forever be a mystery.

After san individual has been missing for a seven-year period, they are generally declared legally dead. Richard Grieco, former Hollywood superstar, has been M.I.A. for well over a decade now.

In a statement today, LAPD chief William J. Bratton confirmed the declaration of Grieco's death, giving his heartfelt commiserations to friends and family. It has been announced that a memorial service will be held next Tuesday, which marks the 22nd anniversary of the franchise for which Grieco will be forever known, 21 Jump Street.
 

There are now only 1268 days left until the End of the World.

DISCLAIMER- Okay, you got me. Richard Grieco isn't actually dead- as far as I know, he's very much alive. His career, however, is a completely different story.