The day the fun died: Six Flags files for bankruptcy

June 14, 9:56 PMApocalypse ExaminerWyatt Shev

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Do you remember where you were the day the fun died? 

The Financial Apocalypse has claimed another victim.

Yesterday, iconic theme-park chain Six Flags filed for Chapter 11.

Unable to meet burgeoning billion-dollar debts, the 48-year-old institution is the latest in a long line of American trademarks to crumble under the pressure of today's harsh economic climes. 

CEO Mark Shapiro insists that the 'restructuring' will in no way affect any of the corporation's 20 + existing parks. I guess the Log Jammer at your local franchise ain't going to be pawned off anytime soon.

Shapiro has also made an effort to console potentially freaked employees of the corporation, ensuring them that their jobs and paychecks are safe. Of course, once you file for Chapter 11, anything goes... so I wouldn't be surprised to find an influx of unemployed carnies infesting our nation's streets in the coming weeks. 

Strangely enough, Six Flags actually had a pretty good year. In 2008, the company sold well over 25,000 tickets to parks in the U.S, Mexico and Canada. That amounts to some $275,000, 000 in revenue... not bad, considering how America has tightened her purse strings. But with debts of over 2.4 billion dollars, last year's earning made for some very small potatoes indeed.

What if Shapiro is wrong... or, more plausibly, lying through his teeth? Maintenance and quality of service at individual Six Flags parks are bound to suffer as the parent company flails helplessly in the cruel jaws of Chapter 11. And I really don't see how a company in such staggering debt can afford to keep the majority of it's employees on the payroll. Could this be the beginning of the end for one of the nation's most recognizable brands?

Can you imagine an America without Six Flags? 

Can you imagine an America without ferris wheels, roller-coasters or cotton candy?

Where will a beleaguered nation find overpriced solace on sweltering summer week-ends and public holidays?

Where will our recent prison parolees find work, if not as the ride operators responsible for our children's safety?

Don't despair, thrill-seekers! You can always go to Disney World. Believe me, Disney ain't going down anytime soon.

But just to be on the safe side, check back in with me on this in about a year or so.

There are now only 1284  days left until the End of the World.