Yankee Stadium goes to sleep, doesn't wake up

The Orioles took on the Yankees Sunday night, as the first pitch took place after an absurdly long ESPN-broadcasted pre-game ceremony.  You would think that it was the last day of baseball ever the way this ceremony dragged on an on and on for hours with ridiculous stats and tributes to Yankee greats.  We get it; you’re good.  Can we move on?

When the game finally started, ESPN showed the dopes in the bleachers on split screen for what seemed an eternity.  Why are they even playing a baseball game?  Why don’t they just have an official statesmen’s funeral?

In the second inning, Adam Jones hit a line drive that bounced away from Bobby Abreu.  Jones sprinted his way to a triple.  Jay Payton knocked him in to put the Orioles up 1-0.

Modest Joe
Said Joe Morgan to Whitey Ford and Yogi Berra when they sat in the booth: “I feel like I just saw you two in Cooperstown.  Are you following me?”  It’s been a night just chock full of modesty.

Now I have to listen to these three old guys babble half coherently?  This is what it takes to make me miss MASN.

In the Flo
Melvin Mora scored Brian Roberts to put the Orioles up 2-0, but no one seemed to be paying attention.  It appears they were busy filming a Flomax commercial in the booth. 

Johnny Damon hit a three-run homer to put the Yankees up 2-3. 

Kevin Millar came home on a Brian Roberts single in the fourth inning to tie the game. 

Jose Molina hit a two-run dinger in the bottom of the fourth to put the Yankees ahead by two.  It’s only fitting that future Hall of Famer Jose Molina hit the last home run at Yankee Stadium. 

Fat Guy, Little Coat
Who was that fat guy in the booth in the top of the sixth?  Just some guy who pitched a perfect game with an allegedly fierce hangover.  Ok, of all the old timers, David Wells is definitely my favorite.

Andy Pettite left in the top of the sixth with a chance to win the game.  With two on and two out in the sixth Brian Roberts went down swinging to preserve the Yankees lead.

Captain K
Derek Jeter struck out with the bases loaded in the sixth inning.  He had a long conversation with home plate ump Angel Hernandez, who would have probably thrown any other player out of the game for kvetching that long.

This had to have been the most bombastic, pompous thing I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing.  Why is baseball the only institution in America that still fosters absurd sentimentality and unironic reverence for yesteryear? How can anyone over the age of 12 or under the age of 70 enjoy this Yankees nostalgia drivel?

Jamie Walker came in to pitch in the seventh.  He allowed the Yanks to tack on another run; then he was replaced by Rocky Cherry.

Kay O
Yankees announcer Michael Kay seemed to think the pitching changes were excessive.  Really?  Really, Michael Kay?  You think the O’s are guilty of being over the top?

They were still showing old highlights after 11:30pm.  Let.  It.  Go.  Mariano Rivera came on to pitch the ninth.

Behind the Curtain Call
Derek Jeter left the game with two outs in the ninth inning in order to do a curtain call.  Seriously?  The Yankees are up by four, so they pull a stunt move to give Jeter a curtain call after he struck out with the bases loaded.  That’s pretty lame.

Mariano retired the side to preserve the win in a non-save situation.  Does anyone want to bet Opening Day at the new Yankee Stadium will be just as bombastic?
 
Bombastic Away
The Yankees said goodbye from the field following the game.  There was zero-time championship winner Mike Mussina! And no-time World Series champ Jason Giambi! And Mr. October, Alex Rodriquez!  And admitted sterioids abuser Andy Pettite! I’m throwing up, then going to bed. 

At least I won’t have to blog about any Yankees playoff games this year.

Final Score:  3-7, New York