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A beginner's guide to orgasm: learn to celebrate National Masturbation Month
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Copyright Solot and Miller
Up to 25% of women have problems with orgasm. For some women orgasms are difficult and many others have sadly never experienced the pleasure.
Problems climaxing are often the result of a mechanical error: inadequate stimulation in the right area (also called clitoral neglect), because contrary to popular belief intercourse is not a highly reliable way for many women to achieve orgasm.
The best way to learn the mechanics of climax is masturbation. It is usually best to start solo, because being with a partner, no matter how loving or adventurous, adds a layer of complexity. When a woman is alone there are no expectations or hurt feelings. It also removes any performance anxiety, because letting go is an essential part of the process.
The clitoris is the powerhouse, so it is one of the best places to start when exploring. If achieving orgasm is difficult (and even when it isn’t) a vibrator is a good idea. It provides more stimulation and removes interruptions due to hand cramps. There are several vibrators designed specifically for clitoral stimulation ranging in price from $25 to $130. Good first time clitoral vibrators include The Pocket Rocket or Lucky 7 Vibe ($25 to $30), the LayaSpot ($60), and the Nea or Lily (high-end Swiss vibrators from $69 to $129). Another option is a mid-size or phallic-shaped vibrator, which can be used externally on the clitoris as well as internally for G-spot and other deeper stimulation. Regardless of choice, a personal lubricant is essential to maximize pleasure.
It also helps to develop an awareness of the pelvic floor muscles, because they contract during orgasm. To identify these muscles stop the flow of urine mid-stream for a few seconds, then practice squeezing and holding these muscles for 5-10 seconds, in repetitions of 10, twice a day (this is also called Kegal exercises). Experiment by contracting the muscles while masturbating.
Literature is also helpful. There is wealth of information available on-line at Vulva University. Two books to consider are Sex for One by Betty Dodson and I Love Female Orgasm by Solot and Miller. A wonderful local resource is the store Good Vibrations. They have a plethora of toys, books galore, and great sales associates. On Saturday, May 23rd they are hosting an evening seminar, “The Buzz on Vibrators”.
If having an orgasm is difficult here is your homework. Buy a book and read it. Sign up for an on-line class or check one out at Good Vibrations. Get some lubricant, buy a vibrator, and set aside an hour twice a week to practice. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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LayaSpot vibrator
Remember, this column does not constitute individual medical advice
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