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Why do we find it so difficult to talk about sex, or openly express our sexual needs and desires? What are we afraid will happen if we do?
Most of us are taught that sex is a taboo subject, which is not discussed openly in the name of decency. Nice girls don’t and gentlemen mind their manners out of respect. Are we to assume then that gentlemen and nice girls just always do it right? Following this logic of assumption suggests that being prim and proper equates to good sex and would leave communication as an obsolete necessity.
For the majority of us it is the fear of reprisals and judgments, which provokes our silence. We’re afraid that if our secrets were revealed in truth, we would be ostracized for our wicked thoughts and evil lust. We are pre programmed to suffer embarrassment and shame with regards to our sexual needs and desires. If the gift of sex is meant to come with so many limits and restrictions one is left to question who created the rules and by what reasoning and logic they were set in place.
There are those of us who fear ourselves more than we fear what others might think. We are afraid of what might be hidden in our secret garden of sexual desire and are a little more than apprehensive with regards to facing our own sexual realities. If we don’t talk about it, it can’t exist. We assume that if we ignore it, it will go away. What we fail to realize is how deeply these hidden truths are embedded in our psyche and how seriously they impact our everyday lives. Unwittingly they ultimately determine the paths we take in all aspects of life.
The fact is that sex is not evil or perverse and poses no harm. It is, however, the part of our inner being we often deny, the self we repress. It is our essence, a natural piece of our intricate puzzle. Sex is a natural forceof nature and was not intended to be ignored, hidden away, treated as an evil plague or a sin worthy of burning at the stake. We should be taking full advantage of this great gift we were given. Instead we tend to promote and nurture our unavowed dreams and forbidden truths by confining their life to the dark recesses of our unconscious mind.
Even if we dare not speak of this mystical, magical world of secret fantasies and yearnings, it lives non-the-less and strives to break through the walls we’ve constructed to hide its presence. Our sexual seeds are carefully planted there and whether we tend them or not, their roots will grow. Left unattended, it creates restlessness and voids which we can never seem to fill. Our inhibitions and fears merely serve to create a cycle of unfulfilling and discontented relationships.
Like it or not, our secret garden exists. There is no shame in recognizing its existence or accepting its realities. Great sexual experiences do not come naturally with the disposition of our personality and character traits, nor do they come as the result of any set protocol. They are created and honed by the sharing of our inner selves and openly addressing our needs. Crystal balls can offer no solution, and assuming is a dangerous practice.
It isn’t likely we will we find a partner who is capable of reading minds and will instinctively know of our needs and desires. It requires that we say it out loud, express it in a form, which others can understand.
Communication still is and always will be vital to the success of any relationship and sexual experience. If we are fortunate enough to find someone to share our secrets with, we are able to tear down the walls and let the sun shine on our garden, allowing the blossoms to grow freely. Greatness is achieved by providing an environment for greatness to grow!
As always, sexual experiences should remain safe, sane and consensual.
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