When to visit a newborn, part 2

May 6, 9:15 PMMinneapolis Fatherhood ExaminerBrandon Overman

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When is it time to visit? Depends on your relationship to Mom and Dad...and if you bring food or gifts.

You’ve found out that a couple that you know just had a baby, what do you do now?  You want to visit, but you don’t want to go too early, but if you go too late will they be upset?  The guidelines for postpartum visits will be different for each new parent, but the following rules of thumb apply to most first postpartum visits depending on your relationship to the new parents.  

Immediate Family:
Too early:  You usually can’t be too early unless you are pushing your way into the delivery room and the first visit that you have is when the little baby is crowning.  If you have that urge, it’s best to resist it.
Too late:  Two weeks old.  The joy of bringing a new life into the world should be celebrated and you should do all that you can to celebrate as quickly as possible.

Extended Family:  
Too Early:  The actual birth day.  Give mom and dad some time to get to know their baby and catch up on some sleep.  They will appreciate it and you’ll appreciate your conversation not being interrupted by mom and dad dozing off.
Too Late:  The first birthday.  Even if you can’t make a trip to visit the new baby in person a phone call or card is a nice gesture to say congratulations.

“Best” Friend:
Too early: Dad’s best friend (not the dog) should avoid a hospital visit.  Mom has done the work and she will probably not appreciate Dad’s hunting buddy hanging out as she is being examined in the hospital.  Mom’s best friend should avoid pushing into the delivery room.  This is a time for Mom and Dad to work as a team, and distractions are not appreciated.
Too late:  Three weeks old.  After Mom and Dad get settled (one to two weeks after delivery) they will want to celebrate with all of their loved ones, this includes you.

Other Friends:
Too early:  1 week old.  Mom and Dad will need some time to themselves to try to understand the many ways that their lives have changed.  Give them at least a week to come to the conclusion that they have no idea what they are in for.
Too late:  The first birthday.  At least a card, email or phone call should be placed when you catch wind of the new bundle of joy. That quick gesture will go along way and should be done before the little one is walking and talking.

The guidelines above are one way to prevent unnecessary problems when dealing with new parents, but each situation may require its own handling.  By following these guidelines, not dropping in unannounced and bringing the free-will offering of a prepared meal, you won’t go wrong when you visit a new baby and his or her exhausted parents.