Bisexual father recalls the tragedy of his bi son's discrimination and suicide

June 19, 10:25 PMBisexuality ExaminerMike Szymanski

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Alec Clayton and his family, wife Gabi, Bill and Noel

On this Father's Day, I want to share with you one story of a bisexual father who commemorates his bisexual son—and the tragedy of his son's suicide due to bullying, taunting and discrimination.

Alec Clayton was a good dad—and bisexual. He lived with his wife and two children in Olympia, Washington. One son, Bill, took his life at the age of 17 when he faced intense discrimination. His parents tried to help him, but the fear and alienation perpetuated by the people around him, and even the school board, was too much to cope for a 17-year-old with very cool parents.

Read the story of Alec and Bill and his family, but be ready to have a few tissues with you to wipe the tears. It's a perfect story to talk again about bisexuality, and about being a father on this Father's Day.

Their story has turned the whole family into activists.

His father writes:

Understandably, he was afraid to come out. But he conquered his fears. He was 14 years old. He came out first to my wife, Gabi. He said, “Mom, I am bisexual.”

Gabi said, “So is your father.”

She knew. A few close friends knew. But I sure as hell had not announced it to the world in general. It took me about 30 years to admit to myself that I was bisexual. Bill was a lot more courageous. Even though he knew we were accepting and open- minded; even though he knew we loved him unconditionally; even though our best friend, who was also our housemate, was a lesbian – he could not be sure of our reaction. He said he was afraid we would disown him or stop loving him. Although everything he knew about us told him we were not like that, there was that lingering doubt. It took a lot of guts for a 14-year-old kid to face that.

And then that wonderful brave young man was beaten to unconsciousness because of some other kids' reaction to his honesty and openness about his sexual orientation.

In an emotional rally, after Bill's beating, a school board member quoted the lyrics of a song from “South Pacific”:

You've got to be taught to hate and fear, you've got to be taught from year to year, it's got to be drummed in your dear little ear. You've got to be carefully taught.

Bill stood on the podium with his friends and said:

    "In all likelihood, my friends Sam and Jenny will never have to tolerate this – or never have to endure this type of hate crime or any other type in their lives – and I hope that's true. But as an openly bisexual person in Olympia, I'm probably – or may be – the victim of this sort of thing again."

Bill committed suicide shortly after. He took an overdose of pills on May 8, 1995 and was found unconscious on the kitchen floor. He was rushed to the hospital and never regained consciousness.

Alec, the bi father, recalls the first Father's Day after his son's death:

Father's Day was just around the corner. The local PFLAG chapter invited me to speak at their Father’s Day meeting. Gabi and I had never before attended a PFLAG meeting. We thought it was just a support group for parents who were having a hard time accepting their gay or lesbian children, and that had never been us. Anyway, we went. That was in 1995, and we haven’t stopped going since. Not only did we need support then, but we discovered that PFLAG was more than a support group. We found that it was a place for activists too.

Gabi has become one of the most outspoken glbt activists in the world. Really. Check out her Website at http://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/ and you’ll see what I mean. There you can also read Bill’s story in much more detail.

Then there’s the matter of coming out, which is pretty much a necessary byproduct of becoming more active. Practically everyone I know knows that I am bisexual, but I have never come out publicly. Well, now I have.

Of course the family will never get over their son's death, but Alec has held out hope for his remaining son:

When I think about Noel in the context of the things I’ve been saying here, I look back to the beginning of this article where I wrote about the need for coming out, and I think that maybe by the time he is as old as I am now sexual orientation will not be such a big deal. Maybe by then hate based on race, gender, religion, ethnicity, age and sexual orientation will be a thing of the past. I know that’s a lot to hope for, but I’m not giving up. Accepting the alternative is not acceptable.

Below, in the slide show, see photos of the family, and the artwork by Alec Clayton. Also read the stories from the family members:

* Read the story from bi father, Alec Clayton.

* Read from mom, Gabi.

* Stories about Bill Clayton

* Bill Clayton-Not Forgotten

* Bill's story as written in the Congressional Record

* Responses to Bill's story from the world.

Also, see the list of self-help groups for bisexual dads.

* Bi Men Dads

* Stop Hate 2000.

* Bi and Gay Dad Support Network

* A questionnaire for bi dads for a legit study.