Dating, sex and study abroad

Dating and sex in study abroad are challenging and important study abroad issues.  In fact, these issues pose one of the most challenging adjustments to culture shock.  

As we grow up, we slowly learn the rules and roles of society, especially when it comes to sex and dating.  This is a subconscious process that does not require thought or active learning.  

We know to wait three days before calling.  If we do call and the call is not returned, we accept rejection and do not keep calling.  However, when we enter another country and another culture, many of these rules no longer apply and we are left defenseless in a foreign dating battle field.

When I was in Spain I met a very nice bartender at a club and proceeded to give him my phone number.  By the same time the next day he had called me at least ten times after I did not pick up initially.  As an American girl I immediately assumed the guy was a creep.  

To my dismay, he continued to call and I finally agreed to go on a date with him.  Shockingly and luckily, he turned out to be a really good guy.  It turned out what he was doing was not considered weird in Spain.  When someone does not answer her phone, you simply keep trying until she does.  

It is difficult to dissect these dating codes, especially when you are trying to learn another language.  In the States, all you have to do is act uninterested and a guy will realize you are in fact not interested.  In Spain, I quickly learned you cannot reject a guy simply by ignoring his attempts.  You have to look them in the eye, without smiling and tell him, “no.”  This is not considered rude.  

Stereotypes also make the abroad-dating process more difficult.  For instance, American women are generally viewed as sexually promiscuous.  Men will be drawn to you with less than noble intentions while women hate for taking their men.  

American men have it difficult as well because they are generally considered idiotic and unrefined (thank you “Van Wilder”).  On both of my study abroad programs I winced as my fellow Americans continuously crashed and burned with the ladies.  

In order to deal with this web of libidinal confusion, there are a variety of resources you can turn to.  Before departing on your program, contact previous students and ask them questions about dating in the country.  How do men and women interact?  What is acceptable and expected?

Also, ask your study abroad on-site director if you have any specific concerns about a certain situation.  However, the best option is to make friends with the locals before diving into the dating pool.  Make friends and observe how they interact and talk about the opposite sex.  

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Special Note: ALWAYS REMEMBER TO PRACTICE SAFE SEX.  While safe sex is always important, it is absolutely critical when studying abroad.  At least at first, try to avoid sexual experiences while drinking.  Remember you are already less aware of the cultural situation of the country.  

Sex education is less common in many parts of the world, so it is very important to always use a condom even if your partner insists she is clean or on birth control.  One girl I talked to in Costa Rica thought birth control was synonymous with wearing high heels because you cannot get pregnant while wearing them.  

Another concern are STDs because some are more or less prevalent in certain areas.  Also, it is important to remember that abortion is illegal in many countries.  Even in countries where it is legal, the last thing you want is to get pregnant on your study abroad experience.  

Enjoy the men and women of your new country and use them to discover culture, language and friendship: not VD or pregnancy.

 

Topics: Issues , Culture , Dating