Women, aging and the redefinition of beauty

September 7, 1:10 PMSF Marriage and Relationships ExaminerLisa Brookes Kift

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Aging is a tough one for a lot of women - and it's a frequent topic amongst my 40 year old female friends and I.  We wonder, "How can I feel 30 in so many ways - yet look in the mirror and see 40?"  It's like there's a disconnect between our inner and outer selves - and it creeps up on you.  As challenging of an issue as aging can be for women  - it's best to make peace with it sooner than later.

The self esteem hit we women can take is immense - from our perception of how our mates/potential mates view us - to the most important relationship we have -with ourselves.  The media and advertisers have been in the drivers seat of the "beauty in youth" driven movement which thankfully in recent years has shifted a bit and started touted "40 as the new 30...50 as the new 40..." and so on. 

There's no doubt about it, I've been very attached to my youth.  Seeing the mounting evidence to support the fact that I don't have "it" anymore has been a difficult transition.  What I've come to realize is that  unless I redefine my ideas around beauty, I'll be kicking and screaming throughout my forties and until the end of my days.  And this is simply not acceptable. 

I had a discussion with a female friend of mine who is a good ten years older than me; she spends a lot of time in Paris, France and noticed the same pressure on women doesn't exist there.  Older French woman seem to exude a quiet confidence.  They accept aging as something that "is" and as they grow older, continue to take pride in their appearance with accessorizing - whether it be a deep red lipstick, pretty scarf or big sunglasses.  Perhaps this is partly how they define beauty.

Issues around self esteem are common in my therapy practice - and women's struggle with the reality of aging is one issue that this therapist can relate to.  But as much as it's been a sticking point for me, I'm committed to moving beyond this thing -  and growing old gracefully. 

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