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How to get over a hate crush
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A hate crush occurs when someone irritates you so much that you become obsessed with him or her. You fantasize about bad things happening to them – a crush to the other extreme. Since love and hate are the eternal rocking chair, this is the person you love to hate. Women, more than men, tend to form hate crushes. Why? Physiologically, women have a deeper limbic system in the brain which makes them feel things more intensely. Also, women are more relationship-oriented as they are the gender who tends and befriends. Put these two attributes together and add to the mix a woman who:
* Was perfect in high school, never gave you the time of day, but now is not doing so well
* Gets the credit for what you really accomplish at work
* Is always in your face trying to do one better than you
* Stole your best friend after you invited her to socialize with the two of you
* Preceded you in your boyfriend’s or husband’s heart
Your symptoms
You are obsessed with this person who really bothers you. You can’t help but read her blog on Facebook/ Twitter. When you run into her, and sometimes you look for opportunities to run into her, your pulse races. You can hear your heartbeat pounding in your head. You pray for her downfall and plot to outshine her.
How to get over it
* Go the other direction in your fantasy and change that movie playing in your head. Cut this person some slack to reinterpret her so-called transgression with compassion. Write a letter forgiving her – even if you never send it.
* If you can keep your distance, both physically and on line, do it: out of sight, out of mind. Wean yourself away.
* The proportion that you hate her is a pretty reliable barometer that you don’t like yourself very much. Whatever you hate about her, shore up that weakness in yourself. No one can trivialize you unless you give this person the power to do it.
* Get involved in activities you enjoy because when you are feeling down, your hate crush will occupy your mind.
For more info on forming healthy relationships, especially the one you have with yourself: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com . For more information on Hate Crushes read the October 2009 issue of Glamour Magazine.
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