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Dear Josh,
I am a thirty-two year old who has dated a lot of guys. Now I'm really into this whole social networking thing on Facebook and MySpace and LinkedIn and Twitter and Bebo and Friendster and hi5 and Orkut and PerfSpot and Yahoo!360 and – a few others. Thing is, a lot of my old boyfriends are popping up and trying to get back in touch when they see my page on the different social sites. It's not like I'm mean or anything, but I've moved on and I don't want anything to do with them. How do I handle all this unwanted blast-from-the-past attention?
Swamped in Sunnyvale
Dear Swamped,
Your predicament puts me in mind of an old Chinese proverb: A thousand friends when you're paying the bills, but none to be seen when you've got ills. I'm guessing that your picture is posted on these various web sites and that your physiognomy is of the type that does not repel admirers. So one solution might be to swap your actual picture for that of a stand-in. Try substituting a likeness of Barbara Bush; I'll bet you a double martini that all your unwanted suitors vanish for good. Or cancel your social network accounts entirely and get a life. The likelihood of running into old flames in the real world is pretty low. Unless by "a lot of guys" you mean really a lot of guys. In which case you may just want to reflect that a girl can never have too many friends.
Dear Josh,
I'm a huge sports fan. Baseball, football, basketball, hockey, soccer, tennis, Australian rules football, cricket, golf, horse racing, Nascar, I enjoy it all. But my girlfriend Shirley hates sports. Whenever she's around she never lets me watch what I like. Instead I have to sit through sitcoms and chic flicks and soaps. I try to get her interested but she just says, "boorrriinng" and changes the channel. How can I get Shirley to share my attitude to athletics?
Deprived in Danville
Dear Deprived,
You both watch way too much TV. Turn the damn thing off. Better yet, throw it in the trash. Try reading together, or chatting. Or going for a walk. In fact there are all kinds of other things couples can do together that don't involve TV. You could even take her to an actual ballgame. She might enjoy the crowd and the spectacle, or at least the ice cream and popcorn. Otherwise just buy a second TV set. Or find a new girlfriend.
Dear Josh,
My boyfriend is a really nice guy. He's polite, considerate, thoughtful. He always opens the car door for me, brings me breakfast in bed, takes me to nice places. He's even polite to my mother. He's handsome and fit and caring. He's got only one flaw: his feet smell. He'll take a hot shower and five minutes later his feet will start stinking again, of old cheese and fermented sweat and sewage under a hot sun. We've tried foot deodorant and foot powder and odor-eaters and even water-tight fishing boots but nothing works. And what makes it worse is that it's not just me. Whenever we walk into a room people wrinkle their noses and stare. He's my beau ideal but he reeks. Do you have any suggestions?
Repulsed in Richmond
Dear Repulsed,
Two words: nose plugs.
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