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If a soulmate is wanted, get a dog
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Dogs: good for entanglements
Single and sick of it? Get a dog. Mutt or pure bred, large economy or single serving sized, the only relevant factor is appeal. If the dumb chum is cute, more than your share of attention is guaranteed. Ladies of all ages and shapes will make much of your four-footed friend. Men will buttonhole you to ask about breed, habits, personality. Women will stop in their tracks to pay homage. Guys will want to share their dog lore. Sidewalk diners, amused by your well-fed pooch's feigned air of famishment, will toss the occasional tidbit. Shop assistants will dig for dog treats. Instead of being annoyed at having their bare calves licked, young girls, on perceiving the culprit, will hug Fido to their bosoms. You have but to bask in the reflected limelight.
Take the case of Rupert. A bachelor for a decade or more, he was becoming a slightly shopworn member of the singles scene. Not for want of trying. Rupert went to the Giants' singles night every year. He frequented all the bars congenial members of the opposite sex were reputed to patronize. He lingered in coffee shops, attended gallery openings, endured lectures, even sat through Shostakovich at the Symphony, all in hopes of meeting Ms. Right. It never happened.
Then his best friend Bill got a job in Europe. Bill's dog, Chesterfield, was going to have to endure months in quarantine if he too made the trip overseas. Rupert, hitherto indifferent to pets, couldn't say no. Chesterfield, a medium sized canine of no pedigree, possesses extraordinarily mournful liquid brown eyes and highly expressive ears. He is impossible to deny.
Rupert and Chesterfield settled in quite happily together, but that isn't how Rupert lost his singlehood. Walking Chesterfield in the park one day, he encountered Tina and her immaculately groomed golden retriever. The contrast between Chesterfield's unkempt state and the golden retriever's polished appearance was comical. Rupert, a naturally shy man who under ordinary circumstances wouldn't have thought to approach so beautiful a girl as Tina, was emboldened by her laughter to ask about dog groomers. Now Rupert, single no more, finds his household expanded by an additional dog and another human. He is glad he'll never have to listen to Shostakovich again.
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