Grudge not lest you be grudged

August 9, 8:11 PMMiami Buddhist ExaminerFrancine Adams

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It is far easier to hold a grudge than to let go of something seemingly unforgiving, especially when one feels they are expressing righteous anger.  It appears, however, that the grudger may, in the long run, wind up paying a much higher price than the grudgee.  Dr. Piderman of the Mayo Clinic elaborates on this with quite interesting remarks on forgiveness. If one finds they are among those who are still hanging onto a grudge against someone  long after the matter has been put to rest, consider the following:

"But when you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being."

Are your grudges giving you headaches, backaches and sleepless nights. It  is now common knowledge in modern medicine that there is a mind/body connection which means our emotions can affect our health.  Stress and negative emotions have been associated with heart health.  The American Academy of Family Physicians provides an extensive lists of disorders that can be signs one's emotional health is out of balance:

* Back pain
* Change in appetite
* Chest pain
* Constipation or diarrhea
* Dry mouth
* Extreme tiredness
* General aches and pains
* Headaches
* High blood pressure
* Insomnia (trouble sleeping)
* Lightheadedness
* Palpitations (the feeling that your heart is racing)
* Sexual problems
* Shortness of breath
* Stiff neck
* Sweating
* Upset stomach
* Weight gain or loss

Cause and effect, a key concept in Buddhism, fits rather scientifically and logically into the patterns of daily life.  In that respect, the concept of cause and effect is not exclusive to Buddhism but is rather a matter of life experience and is evidenced in our thoughts,words and deeds. The outcome is, these actions, regardless of desire, impact our health for better or for worse. The effects may not show up for decades, nonetheless, the seed was planted and the effect lies dormant.  

"As we go about our daily lives, in every single moment, we make causes in the things that we think and say and do. Buddhism teaches the existence of a law of cause and effect which explains that when we make a cause, the anticipated effect of that cause is stored deep in our lives, and when the right circumstances appear then we experience the effect.

An example of the way Buddhism views cause and effect might be of a young person going home to spend a weekend with their parents. They have a blazing row before the end of the weekend and the young person leaves. In Western society we tend to see the blazing row as the cause and the young person leaving the effect. But Buddhism focuses attention on the internal cause and effect. So it may be that the internal cause turns out to be that the young person disrespects their parents, at quite a deep level, perhaps without realizing it. The effect which is simultaneous with this cause is the state of hell, and it is this that is triggering the arguing. This example could equally be the other way round, with the parents doing the disrespecting. It is the internal cause and effect which a person who chants  Nam-myoho-renge-kyo can change,replacing their internal feelings with respect."  www.sgi-uk.org

This real world type example aids in the understanding that there are lessons to be learned in uneasy life experiences. The lesson may well be the very purpose for the experience and grudges could block the free flow of spiritual information.  This hypothesis may not yet be tested in the research stated here.  The above example could easily have resulted in a long term grudge, years after the incident.  Instead, by remaining open to seeking a positive understanding, rather than holding a grudge a spiritual awakening can result, thereby benefiting all.  It may require practice, time and maturity to master these lessons. Research suggests it will be well worth it. It can simply begin with practice.  The good news is, the positive causes we make will have positive effects. The Mayo Clinic has done research on this and reports thusly:

"Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

* Lower blood pressure
* Stress reduction
* Less hostility
* Better anger management skills
* Lower heart rate
* Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
* Fewer depression symptoms
* Fewer anxiety symptoms
* Reduction in chronic pain
* More friendships
* Healthier relationships
* Greater religious or spiritual well-being
* Improved psychological well-being

It takes courage to forgive, far more than it does to hold a grudge.  While the ego may relish and gladly support the imposing attitudes of holding a grudge, in the long run, it is not the most natural makeup for humans. It is far healthier to be large enough to forgive and preserve one's quality of life in the process.