
"Sticking It to Courtney Bee"
Today's Stinging Question:
Dear Courtney,
Last year the love of my life (and the guy I dreamed of marrying) shattered my heart and broke up with me. I was devastated but tried my best to push through the pain. Now I’m in a better place emotionally, but I still haven’t had sex with anyone since the breakup over a year ago. The thing that’s got me concerned is that I don’t miss having sex. Is this normal? Is my sex drive busted? The idea that I’ll never crave sex again has me really freaked out.
—Flatlined Vagina, West Hollywood, CA
Courtney Bee Takes It:
Dear Flatlined Vagina,
Get your genitals off the rooftop ledge, because there’s no need to panic. A recent University of Vienna study found that levels of oxytocin, the magical feel-good hormone, increase considerably after you have an orgasm, so you have a stronger craving for sex when you’re having it more. And because it’s been a while since your last pants-off dance-off, your brain may have stopped stimulating that craving. You haven’t mentioned a current beau, which means that when a hot new guy does enter the picture, his irresistibility will give your libido a major kickstart and make you moist as a snack cake down there.
But why wait for the owner of a penis to get the party started? Like a flabby gym dropout considering running a marathon, it’s always a good idea to ease back into exercise at an easy, comfortable pace. And so, Flatlined Vagina, I highly recommend that you get thee to a sin emporium (adult toy store) and pretend that it’s your birthday. Raid the aisles and fill your dirty little shopping basket with vibrators, lube, and some stimulating videos to get your juices flowing (literally). Porn can be a great libido booster, and many adult entertainment companies have video lines specifically geared toward women. There’s even—gasp!—kissing. I’m also a fan of erotica and highly recommend literotica.com, a free site that lets you peruse all sorts of fantasies from your laptop. Novelty breeds excitement, so check out scenarios that go beyond vanilla sex. Who knows? Maybe that saucy little S&M story will reinvigorate your happy place and leave you with the urge to declare that you too have been a bad, bad girl and need to be punished.
Lastly, there is a small chance that your MIA libido might be due to a physical condition. Depression, drugs (both prescribed medications as well as the ones you buy from that guy in the ally) and untreated illness can reduce sex drive, so it wouldn’t hurt to have your doctor rule out other factors. And if you’re writing this letter with a heroine needle sticking out of your arm, then knock that off. It’s not helping.
—Courtney Bee