The Weekend Embrace: Sexy psychobabble edition

May 23, 12:25 PMSex & Relationships ExaminerSarah Estrella

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There's so much sexy stuff on Examiner.com this week, we're going to need to seek out a therapist to sort it all out:

Eat it, Freud! Is a 12-inch sub ever just a 12 inch sub? Sex Scandal Examiners Jordan and Samantha are enjoying a Playboy sandwich in Two girls, one sub

Just lie down on the couch... Relationship Examiner Kristen Houghton asks, Sex Therapy: Is it right for you?

10 cc's of Adam Lambert, stat! Self Help Examiner Debbie Mandel asks, Are you experiencing American Idol withdrawal?

Adam Lambert: Crazy? Adam Lambert is out... And he's not the American Idol, either! But is he... crazy? Don't miss today's Sexy Song of the Day: Adam Lambert channels Gnarls Barkley, cabaret-style.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President! Speaking of sexy songs... As part of her recent series on cheating in relationships, Love and Marriage Examiner Rita Watson revisits the day, 47 years ago, when Marilyn Monroe scandalously serenaded birthday boy John F. Kennedy. Cheating: Marilyn Monroe and Jack Kennedy, Happy Birthday, Mr. President

Why is my therapist giving me bunny ears? Women's Issues Examiner Juliette Fretté goes straight to the top for a chat about women's body image issues: Public perception and original intention: Talking with Hugh Hefner about body image. Also... don't miss the virtual tour of the Playboy Mansion, including a peek at Hef's private bedroom suite and lingerie chandelier!

(Same) Sex and the City! Real Cougar Lifestyle Examiner Linda Franklin reports Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is getting (gay) married to fiancé Christine Marinoni. Will New York's marriage equality bill come through for the couple in time? What will Carrie Bradshaw have to say about it? Sex and the City star getting married. For the latest on the marriage equality movement in New York, California (Prop 8 ruling on Tuesday May 26!), New Hampshire, and across the country, please bookmark tinyurl.com/MarryEqual

Q: What time is it? A: Time for you to get a watch! Modern Love Examiner mixes metaphors in When one of you comes early, and the other late

If you bring cake, it doesn't matter how late you are! Female Friendship Examiner Debbie Puente hates it when you're late. The least you can do? How about this recipe for chocolate cake? There's a sex therapy metaphor in here somewhere, too, folks: Just bring dessert, please

Hermione and Edward, keeping the next generation of therapists in business! Twilight Examiner Amanda Bell reports: Twilight fans want Harry Potter star Emma Watson to join Robert Pattinson in Bel Ami. Ready to take your Twilight fantasies to the next level? The first Twilight porn parody is upon us: You knew this was coming eventually: Twilight of Virginity porn spoof drops May 22

How much for the middle seat between Bret and Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords? Romance Examiner Sally Painter reports on Air New Zealand's new Matchmaking Flight Forget singles' cruises, take to the air

Your planet or mine? Marriage Advice Examiner – and Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus author – John Gray reminds us not to give up going out on actual dates with our partners once we've settled into a relationship. John Gray Q&A: Dating in marriage is sexy. Just don't forget to get it on (protection, that is) afterwards: Boston Sex & Relationships Examiner Effie Orfanides reports Condom sales are up during time of recession

Mars, Venus, Mercury: All... crazy! Even the stars and planets are all out of whack this month, reports Astrology Examiner Maria Barron: Crunch-time craziness as school ends and Taurus gives way to the electric Gemini twins

Lying, cheating, stealing, seduction, backstabbing, betrayal, murder... it's just another day at Melrose Place. Plus: Bisexuality! Beverly Hills 90210 spinoff Melrose Place gets a reboot this Fall on the tail of the 90210 reboot. How could producers possibly complicate the soap's soupy recipe further? How about casting Katie Cassidy as a bisexual publicist? Yes, please: Your therapist is looking forward to hearing all about it! Bisexuality Examiner Mike Szymansky reports: TV gets a bi character on CW's new Melrose Place

You'll need a therapist to talk you through this one, too... Celebrity News Examiner Liz Barrett reports on the critical reception at Cannes to Terry Gilliam's mess of a movie starring the late, great Heath Ledger: Heath Ledger's final film The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus premiers at Cannes

Vampire fantasies, the key to immortality for therapists everywhere! Gay & Lesbian Issues Examiner Kelvin Lynch argues the HBO series True Blood is Twilight for grownups

Don't forget to tip your physical therapist! Sexual Health Examiner Courtney Bee reports on A workout with titillating side effects

Joystick therapy! Game News Examinerd Daniel Landis reported Game banned for panty shots and excessive boob jiggle, and my follow-up story – Too sexy for PSP? ESRB 'M' rating sinks 'Ikki Tousen: Shining Dragon' Battle Vixen anime video game – was by far my most popular story of the week, proving, once and for all, that the Internet is, indeed, INSANE

Need another session? For sexy stories, reviews, advice, and commentary throughout the week, please subscribe to this column, bookmark it at tinyurl.com/sexaminer and follow me on Twitter @sexaminer