Inside (and outside) the ex-gay conference

November 9, 9:40 AMBirmingham Gay Community ExaminerJoe Openshaw

Previous Next

1 comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Birmingham Gay Community Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Approximately fifty people lined Metropolitan Way on Saturday morning to greet those who were arriving for Focus on the Family’s and Exodus International’s “Love Won Out” conference. A Silent Demonstration/Prayer Vigil was held in protest.

As we watched the cars go by, some carried a man and a woman; some carried teens with what we assumed were their parents. Many waved and smiled as they drove past, as if they had received instruction, so we waved and smiled back.

However, for many who drove up the winding road to the church, the smiles may have been manufactured, because their lives have had just as many curves and been an uphill battle similar to the road on which they drove.

Glenn Shadix noticed a young man being driven to the conference and had this to say:

An image that will always stay with me is that of a young teenager being driven by what seemed to be his parents, into The Metropolitan Church of God. He slowly raised his hand and, hidden from those in the front seat of the car, waved at us as he was driven into the all day seminar. His sad face haunts me. I have been there. My prayers are with him.

Kathy wrote this:

One poor kid drove by us over and over, back and forth (we were on a public street, but it basically served as a long driveway for the church hosting the conference). He was hunched forward, gripping the steering wheel, looking terribly stressed. I thought he might persuade himself to stop and talk to us, but he never did.

I noticed a young woman, probably 16 or 17 years old, in the passenger seat with her (I assume) mother driving. The girl was looking at us, eyes reddened and puffy, as the SUV slowly made its way up the hill.

A PFLAG mom told me she understood the conflict we were seeing on the parent's faces.  She had been there, she said.

There were license plates from Louisiana, Florida, Georgia, Ohio and several other states.

One person who drove up was Bob McKenna, a local clinical psychologist. He was told he couldn’t park near where we were protesting, so he drove on up to the church to turn around. But when he saw the hundreds of cars parked in the lot, his interest in clinical psychology and human behavior led him to park and go inside, where he registered for the conference, which he described as “fascinating” with a “lot of conflicted people there.” Both as presenters and attendees, it seems.

The conference began with a session that everyone attended, and where different presenters, almost all gay men and women, told how they had been in gay relationships or having gay sex for years and then tried to follow a fundamental translation of the Bible.

McKenna said that many in the audience appeared to be married couples, but many of the men “appeared gay” and the women appeared tense and “looked miserable.”

Part of the strangeness of the event was that the speakers who had been in the “gay lifestyle” seemed to tell their stories in a somewhat proud way, as if they were bragging to their gay pals.

The concern of most of the protesters was over the children, and we hoped they could gain encouragement from our presence. It seems that maybe they did.

McKenna was able to go into the teen session and he spoke with several of the participants. He spoke to them about the protesters and told the teens that there are “a lot of people who identify with you and love you and don’t want you to feel depressed” about this. He told them that “God loves you as you are.”

He asked them about why they came. Some said they were hesitant, others said they were forced, but mostly they were glad to be there, in a room with 20 other kids talking about their feelings, a first for many of them.

One boy said his parents asked him “who he desired,” and he replied “other boys or men.” His confusion came not from his sexuality, but from his Christianity, it seemed.

While it may have been a first for many of the teens to talk with other kids about their lives in this way, they all seemed to be familiar with the Internet and chat rooms and porn sites, and the kids did not seem to be suffering and did not feel as if they were “bad,” according to McKenna.

“They listened to (gays) all day long and it might be the first time they’ve listened to other homosexuals talk about their lives,” McKenna said.

The protesters and messages on the signs were brought up, and with these kids will be part of the discussion they will have with their parents. They said they were glad they came and as a result of the experience they would be able to “have more open discussions with their parents.”

Having said all this, and hopeful that the teenage boys and girls in the group will come to an understanding that God loves them as they are, we know that the purpose of the program is to convince people that their natural desires and urges are wrong, and that they cannot have a fulfilled and satisfying life in a same-sex relationship. We know this to be untrue, and stood as a testimony that such relationships can be fulfilling and that our lives can be successful on every level.

Instead, the young people, and the adults as well, should be taught that the conflict they perceive between their religion and their sexuality exists only in their minds and the minds of others. That conflict will disappear when one accepts that God created them just as they are, that God loves them just as they are, and that God desires for them the same purposeful life that he desires for others, and that that life may or may not include a long term relationship, just as not all heterosexuals find (or desire) a successful partnership in life.

The good news for the GLBT community and the protesters in particular, is that our efforts were recognized and discussed by the attendees, and seen by thousands on channels 13, 33/40 and 42.
And again, a hearty thanks to Wayne Besen, Central Alabama Pride, Equality Alabama, PFLAG and Covenant Community Church and all the other individuals who joined us on a cold November morning.

If you like what you read here, click subscribe at the top of the page to be notified of new articles.