Siblings with special needs

October 26, 7:56 PMHartford Special Needs Kids ExaminerDanna Mann

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Families with special needs children face intense times and the strain can be felt by everyone. However sometimes the siblings feel as though they are left out. Parents need to be reminded that children may be afraid to ask questions or report problems they are having with or because of the special needs child: they may not want to upset their parents or they may be ashamed of their own feelings of anger, jealousy or resentment.

Making time to discuss the special need and what it may entail is very important, keeping it age appropriate is a good idea as well. Kids who are not given accurate information about siblings health issues may overly identify with the sibling. Children who misunderstand the health issue or its cause may also feel guilty that they were spared. Also without adequate information, siblings may believe they share or will develop the special need.

Another resource are books written especially for the siblings. They can answer questions and validate feelings. Here are some great books that can be a big help.

The Sibling Slam Book

Grade 6 Up–This multifaceted vehicle for eliciting some unique and many universal emotions is designed specifically for siblings of special-needs children. An adolescent mainstay, the slam book is the chosen venue for encouraging the venting of opinions, hopes, fears, frustrations, and triumphs. Comments by 81 young people display the recurring theme of optimism, complicated by hard work, dedication, resentment, and fierce protection, all as by-products of love.

Being the Other One

When there's a disabled child in the family, how are normally developing siblings affected? According to Kate Strohm, a counselor and health educator, siblings of the disabled face particular emotional challenges that are often overlooked. Able siblings commonly struggle with feelings of isolation, grief, anger, and anxiety—and these and other emotional issues can have lifelong effects. Being the Other One is based on the author's own experience (as a sibling of a sister with cerebral palsy) and on extensive interviews she conducted with siblings of all ages. In clear and compassionate terms, Strohm explores the often secret feelings of siblings and offers valuable strategies for coping with the challenges they face.

Views from Our Shoes

A collection of 45 brief essays by children and young adults who have a sibling with special needs, ranging from mental retardation through a number of rare syndromes. The writings are arranged in chronological order, from that of a 4 year old to an 18 year old. As such, they vary in quality as well as in insights into family relationships. The writings seem to be quite honest as some children come right out and say that they feel they are treated unfairly and that their siblings can get away with things that they cannot. In most cases, however, the children speak out against those who make fun of or misunderstand the youngsters who are different. As such, this book would be useful for schools that have special-ed programs or a number of mainstreamed students for it concentrates on what special-needs children can do rather than what they cannot, and makes a firm statement advocating community support for all members of the family.