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7 more 80's cartoons that could make good summer blockbusters
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He-Man isn't afraid of touching sharp things.
Stephen Sommers’ G.I. Joe has just been unleashed upon us this past weekend, and it will either go down as another Mummy (an enjoyable summer blend of action, adventure and comedy), or as another Van Helsing (an unholy mess of too many nonsensical setpieces, one-liners, and splashy SFX). I’m leaning towards the former. Either way, partnered with Transformers, it will not be the last big-budget movie based on an 80’s cartoon. Studios are trading, mining, and optioning scripts and pitches left and right from the old days to turn into the next big summer franchise. It’s understandable to be frustrated at the shrinking pool of original ideas, but why not have some fun with it? Here’s a few of the old favorites from the decade of big hair and spandex that may, just may, make bearable movies. Remember, this is an era when all the great Saturday morning cartoons were forcefully toned down to be “safe for kids.” So why not seize the opportunity and bring these concepts and characters back, free of all those pesky restrictions?
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe – The cartoon/toy line that spawned one of the most profitable merchandising empires of the decade, this series smashed together sci-fi technology with sword-and-sorcery. The show still has a lot of love from its fans, if the 2003 Cartoon Network series (sadly cancelled after 39 episodes) and the current direct-market line of action figures is any indication. (Why yes, this was my personal favorite cartoon when I was a kid. However did you guess?)
Thundercats – After their home planet blows up, the elite survivors of a humanoid-feline race, led by Lion-O and the legendary Sword of Omens, rocket to prehistoric earth to fight for survival against a gang of mutants and undead sorcerer Mumm-Ra. Most fans wanting to see the cats on the big screen have already seen WormyT’s popular fan-trailer recasting Brad Pitt from Troy as fearless leader Lion-O. Call in a director like Len Wiseman (Underworld) or Gil Kenan (Monster House) to bring a distinctive style to the creature effects and action. There’s currently a debate raging about whether to shoot the film with Hellboy-style prosthetics (which may look like Cats if done wrong) or the rumored all-CG version that Warner Bros is pursuing (which may look like Polar Express if done wrong).
Voltron – One of the most iconic single toys of the 80’s was the set of five robot lions that combined into one giant, sword-wielding, unstoppable machine called Voltron. There was also a vehicle force comprising fifteen cars, boats, and planes, but the Lion Gang is the more famous of the two. Scripts for a potential adaptation have been written and re-written since Transformers came out, with one set it in post-apocalyptic New York after an alien invasion (that script has been shelved for a more faithful update).
She-Ra: Princess of Power – The girl-targeted spin-off of He-Man starred twin-sister Adora, who transformed into She-Ra to battle Hordak who had taken over the planet Etheria. On the surface, it was a more candy-colored and less-violent version of He-Man (since networks were sure that girls don’t like watching their cartoon heroes punching bad guys). But the series still included an undercurrent of darkness in the setup, with She-Ra fighting to dismantle an oppressive regime from within (as opposed to He-Man, who fought to maintain the status quo). Since the aforementioned CN series ended prematurely, there is still a wealth of material waiting for the revamp treatment.
Dungeons & Dragons – Yes, there was that horribly cheesy, low-budget version a few years ago with CG dragons, a snarling Jeremy Irons, and that guy from Lois & Clark, which is fortunately fading from memory. If the prospect of a movie based on the long-running board game hasn’t been completely ruined, they might try adapting the 27-episode series that followed six kids pulled into a parallel dimension full of sorcery and monsters, and are given a set of magical weapons to help them on their quest to get back home. Despite being aimed at kids, the show was darker than most cartoons of the time, with the kids clearly in real danger from the many menaces of the Realm. Get a director with a fantasy pedigree (like Andrew Adamson of Chronicles of Narnia) and a cast of six fresh faces, and we may have something.
Jem & the Holograms – This was a show I watched fairly often despite being far outside of the target audience (i.e. girls). Call me crazy, but a part of me actually would like to see this done right. Get somebody like McG (Charlie’s Angels) in the director’s chair who can balance the bright colors, over-the-top action, the MTV-style musical numbers, and the overall silliness, and cast a few photogenic actresses who can also sing (Kristen Bell! Leighton Meester! Holly Valance!). Audiences have certainly shown that they’ll loyally watch a young diva leading a double life under a candy-colored wig.
C.O.P.S. – This series, which followed an ensemble of super-hero cops from the future protecting Empire City from the evil Big Boss and his gang of crooks, never really reached the potential of its concept in the Saturday morning cartoon format. Fortunately, with today’s special effects, it could easily be re-imagined as a gritty, live-action prime time series. Just update the gadgets, flesh out the characters, and make the crooks really evil (selling futuristic drugs and committing actual murders), and it could be made to work as “Hill Street Blues” meets Minority Report.
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