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A plaid, plaid man...
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J.Crew Secret Wash Summit Tartan Plaid Shirt
I should have known better when Rachel set me up with him, but there was something sort of sexy about the uncertainty of it all. I normally don’t do the blind-date thing, but Rachel’s the one friend I have who keeps it real with me. The rest of them figure that since I’m a preacher’s kid, I don’t have needs like everybody else.
We were to meet for lunch at Bombay Palace for Indian food. I arrived 20 minutes early, and I was feeling pretty good as I crossed K street in the middle of the lunch rush. I was inundated with a flurry of whistles and ‘cat calls’ as horny businessmen undid my form-fitting, virgin-wool Prada dress with their ravenous eyes. Suddenly, a titanium colored Porsche Boxster slowed down as the lewd dork at the wheel leaned from the window and shrieked over his bowtie, ‘can I hit it!?’ That’s when, KABOOM... he hit it alright. The car dug into the rear-end of a pick-up truck idling at a red light.
From across the street, I flashed a half-hearted smile as the air bag pressed the dork’s face into the head rest. After a moment of window shopping for a double-breasted blazer for my dad’s birthday; I noticed the reflection of a man cinched in a trench coat walk up behind me. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next, as a symphony of events followed.
In broad daylight the gnarly man palmed my booty with the determination of a vintage Michael Jordan gripping a Spaulding basketball. In a fluid 360 degree turn, I whipped around with my backhand cocked and knocked the taste out of his mouth. He then grabbed my arm and pushed me against the storefront. It was surreal as everything seemed to slow down... was it really happening?
Then, he arrived moving at a normal speed, the tartan plaid of his shirt appearing like a rescue flag. He grabbed the trench coated pervert and pulled him off of me like a rag doll. As I gathered my composure, the man in the plaid shirt pulled out a hanky from the back pocket of his dark-rinse selvedge denim jeans and nursed a bruise on my cheekbone.
- J.Crew's Secret Wash Summit Tartan Plaid shirt is crisply tailored and supersoft, thanks to their Secret Wash. $59.50
Click on the links below for a look at some articles outlining key pieces for your fall wardrobe.
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