Loud—but lovely—Lisa Lampanelli descends on the Bay Area for HBO taping

Lampanelli gets a rise.

Like her creative soul sisters Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho, Lisa Lampanelli admits that she “loves the gays.” But the LGBT community, and many others, love her, too.

It’s easy to see why. The female Don Rickles fires missiles so far north of In-Your-Face, they're basically being shoved up your ... well, you get the picture.

From her Friar Club appearances to her memorable gigs on Comedy Central’s celebrity roasts—not to mention some stellar airtime on Howard Stern’s radio portal—Lampanelli certainly leaves an indelible impression. The "insult comic" hits Santa Rosa's Wells Fargo Center Friday, Nov. 21 for two shows, both being taped for an upcoming HBO special. In a candid Q&A, Lampanelli didn't hold back with yours truly. Dive in:

Lisa Lampanelli: In a few years, hopefully, I’ll be the next Kathy Griffin.

Greg Archer: What do you think of Kathy?

LL: I love her. She’s not afraid of anybody. There are a lot of comics who are afraid to make enemies and she names names
and I love that [crap]. She’s the only woman, other than Sarah Silverman, that I would pay to go see. Other than that, I’d rather eat a gun than watch these bitches.

GA: While we’re on that subject, how do you think the comedy scene has shifted over the last decade or so?

LL: Now, the comics are trying to target a sitcom or something. They’re going on for seven minutes about their life and hoping
that the networks will give them a show. It never works. So, I think most comics are focused on getting ahead, instead of
wanting to entertain and make some points, too, about society or whatever. Or just entertain the frickin’ crowd. You know,
comics don’t care about entertaining a crowd. They think it’s all about them. No! It’s about the people who paid to get,
stupid. They don’t want to hear about your little f-ing ideas. Give ’em punchlines.  I am so sick of most comics. It’s hard to
watch.

GA: You are often called the Queen of Mean.

LL: I love being called an Insult Comic. People ask me what I do for a living and I never say comedian. I say Insult
Comic because there are very few people who do it and who get it right. And it’s an honor to have that as your title.
Because a lot of comedy is people getting up there and … yap, yap, yap. Who gives a s---?

GA: So, where did all this comedic inspiration come from?

LL: Probably from all the beating and corn-holing as a child. Just kidding. There were no beatings …. Well, it’s funny,
because I recently did some “family of origin” work. And you should do that, too.

GA: Good idea. I always probe deep but maybe I haven’t probed deep enough.

LL: Oh, honey… I’m sure you’ve probed plenty deep.

GA: You know, I gave that one to you.

LL: I know. And thank you for handing it to me on a platter …  with your penis. No, really, I did this family of origin work and
they say that in dysfunctional families that there is always one child called the mascot, which is the one that could always
make the parent laugh and get their attention that way, without [upsetting] them. So, my role—and I couldn’t
believe I couldn’t put this together until I was 46 years old—my role as a kid with my mom, and she wasn’t a drunk or anything,
just a yeller because we’re Italian … I was the one who could always dance around her and make her laugh and I guess I just
transferred that to comedy and decided to do it for a living. And thank God I was trained early on. That’s why I say you
should never get mad at your folks for what they did to you early on, because that’s why you came out the way you are.

GA: Exactly. I came to that conclusion a few years back.

LL: So, yeah ... I can’t have a functional relationship because I attract potheads, but you know … At least we make money.

GA: Well, I think you may more than I do.

LL: That’s OK. You’ll find some big [man] to support you.

GA: From your lips … but I may need your help with that.

LL: I’ll hook you up. Are you a young gay?

GA: I’m in my 'thirty-fives.'

LL: Oh, that’s fine. You’ll be an old queen with a twinkie boyfriend and you can do things.

GA: Well, back to you. Are you single or …

LL: It’s horrible, dude. I went to this codependency rehab. Oh my God—It  was so great! It was this whole week where it was all about why I am attracted to potheads with no checking account when I, myself, am wealthy and have a fabulous chinchilla coat and a lot of homos in the audience. I thought, ‘I have got to work on my stuff and I have to give a year to it.

GA: So, you were in a relationship in early 2007?

LL: It was worst thing that every happened to me but he best  thing that every happened to me in that creepy self-help sort
of way. But had I not dated the worst individual in the world, I  would not have gotten the type of help I got. Now, I’m like,
‘Wow, I can have a real boyfriend some day and talk to 10 other girls and send pictures of his penis to one of my friends. Can you believe that?  Big penis pictures? I was so brainwashed to think that that was OK. I said to a friend of mine, ‘Is it OK if
you send big penis pictures to somebody when you still love somebody else?’ Um. No.

GA: So, who were influences when you were growing up?

LL: I knew nothing. I never watched stand-up. All I knew were the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts. And it was great because
you had Redd Foxx, Frank Sinatra, Orsen Welles and Don Rickles, and all these guys making fun of each other but nobody was getting mad. I thought that looked like fun. I thought that’s what standup was. I didn’t know there was a guy that stood there and told dumb jokes. And that’s probably why I am an Insult Comic, because I am just a regular guy.

GA: Why do you think the gay audience loves you so much?

LL: I am just a big drag queen to them. Big hair, big mouth, fake ... even though mine are real. [Gays] love me I am outspoken, and most had to be quiet when they were growing up. You know, don’t make any waves, people will think you are dirty and all of sudden, they love these loud women who can say it all.

GA: Did you come from a big Italian family?

LL: Not really. I was the middle child—blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I just go on stage and say [the c word] and get paid for it. My brothers have these functioning relationships with eight kids between them and I am sitting here in Candy Ranch Health Spa trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with myself. Thank you, Middle Child Syndrome.

GA: So, not that your there, taking care of ‘you,’ what’s the most interesting thing you’ve been learning about yourself
lately?

LL: I found out that I rescue men and my shrink here told me to get a dog instead. Or volunteer with the Special Olympics where people appreciate that you rescue them. Also, that I learned that I have been in crummy relationships with crummy men because I am afraid of a good one because I am afraid they are going to leave. I only put this together after 45 years. Genius. So, only know that I know Lisa is healing, I hope that I can attract some boringly awesome insurance salesman wearing frickin’ Dockers who can make me happy. All I need is that. Enough buggy-blacks and hot whites for me. Delete. Oh… that’s what I learned, too. Press Delete a lot. It really helps!