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My top 10 predictions for season eight of American Idol
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With the American Idol ads airing right and left, there's no denying that it's comin' and comin' in hot! In honor of this auspicious debut, I thought I'd dabble in Letterman's territory and celebrate with a Top 10 list. I like to project what's going to happen each season, so I present to you the:
TOP 10 PREDICTIONS FOR SEASON EIGHT OF AMERICAN IDOL...
10. Inspired by Clay Aiken's bravery, Ryan Seacrest introduces his new closing catch phrase--Seacrest Out...of the Closet
9. David Hasselhoff will once again shed tears at the finale--Paula will bottle them and sell them on the Home Shopping Network
8. New fourth judge Kara DioGuardi will strip off her costume and reveal that it's actually season one judge Brian Dunkleman
7. Mistaking Clay for KD Lang, Claymates will assume Clay was not asked back to sing this season, and will stage a protest
6. Simon will sit down with Barbara Walters and reveal that he wipes his butt with hundred dollar bills
5. Randy Jackson will spend a lot of time pimping his new book, "Fat F--k," inspired by the popular novel "Skinny Bitch" (foreword by Oprah Winfrey)
4. Itching to get back in the public eye, William Hung will resort to porn, releasing back-to-back films: "She Bang She Bang" and "William Hung Like a Horse"
3. The contents of Paula Abdul's Coke cup will finally be revealed--equal parts methane, nail polish remover, and jungle juice
2. Obsessed with the fact that his son lost during season seven, David Archuleta's dad will reveal the clone who won't be taken down, appropriately named Archu-D2
AND THE NUMBER ONE PREDICTION FOR SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL IS...
Barry Manilow, Kenny Rogers, and Dolly Parton will team up to mentor the Idols--the show will also service as a Public Service Announcement warning against the dangers of plastic surgery
Feel free to join in!
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