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Why won't my parakeet eat my diarrhea?
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There's a short and sad answer to the question "Why won't my parakeet eat my diarrhea". Your fellow human beings are weird.
There's something of a new feature in Google. When you put in part of a question or a search request then it offers you a number of alternatives. You can of course still go on to complete your own query, but these suggestions are there for you if you wish to use them.
Like almost everything Google does this is a self-learning feature of the software. It looks at what other people have gone on to ask as the full question after they've put in the same beginning as you have. So, you have put in "why won't" and Google says that a sufficient number of people have gone on to ask "Why won't my parakeet eat my diarrhea" for that to be the number one query which starts with "Why won't..."
Which I think you'll agree, is really quite worrying, that there is a large enough portion of the human race asking such a question that the software has been trained in this manner. Even if it has been deliberately trained, as a joke, that's still a fairly odd if not bizarre insight into the human psyche.
Similar funnies turn up with other variations: "Why can..." brings up "Why can't I own a Canadian" to which the answer is of course you can but you have to marry one first.
"Why" on its own brings up "Why is my poop green" which argues for a number of people out there having had a bad experience at the Taco drive through. "Why is" gives us "Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch" which sounds like a punchline. "What is" gives us "What is love" which is indeed an interesting question which the sages have been trying to answer for millenia. It might be a bit much to ask Google to answer it though.
This actually all looks like a variation on "googlewhacking". That's the attempt to get your page as the only entry in the entire Google index for some phrase or another. You do have to be pretty inventive to manage it now, given the size of the index. My assumption is that this is a variation: a game being played to see who can get the most outrageous suggestions out of Google by asking the question a few times and seeing if it comes up as one of those suggestions. And I would think that whoever came up with "Why won't my parakeet eat my diarrhea?" has managed to win a very large number of points.
What fun, eh? Anyone coined a word for the game yet?
