All Celtics, or All Stars?

It's time to do my civic duty:  vote for the NBA All Star starters.  And as a true Bostonian, it's time to start stuffing the ballot box so I can cheese off the rest of the country by trotting out an all-Celtics starting five.

Pardon me there, John.  I know that we are diehard Celtics fans, but an all-Celtics starting lineup for the All-Star Game is illogical.  Firstly, they don't all deserve to start the game.  Others have had better seas....

Shut yer yap.  Firstly, this is about me figuring out a way to ditch you for five minutes.  Every time I start having fun, you come around to kill it.  We're voting all Celtics, all the time and that's the end of it.  And if you're not careful, I'm going to dive into that Jagermeister and resume killing you off slowly.

I'm not afraid of your idle threats.  Besides, I've become tolerant.  You'll kill your liver before you kill me.  And do you really want to get others involved in this?  Let's sit down, and be reasonable here.  The All-Star Game isn't about you.  It's about recognizing other-worldly achievements.

No.  It's about me and the rest of my Boston boys and girls laughing and exchanging high-fives as someone on a New Jersey Nets message board cries about Devin Harris coming off the bench.  Oh, man... that would be WICKED sweet!

See, exactly my point.  What good does it do to troll other teams' boards anonymously just to laugh at others' misery?  And have you seen what Devin Harris is doing right now?  He had 47 points, 8 assists and 7 rebounds to lead the Nets past the Suns.  He had 34, 6 and 4 in a win over Utah.  That's 81 points in two games to lead the, ahem, shall we saty "subpar" Nets over Western contenders Phoenix and Utah.  How does he not get in?

I'll tell you how he doesn't get in.  He doesn't get in because I've got five different e-mail addresses and a very deep desire to see Rajon Rondo dribble circles around Kobe Bryant and hit Ray Ray for THREEEEEEE!  You can let Devin -- and Dwyane Wade for that matter -- wait their turn.

But Dwyane Wade is putting up amazing numbers.  That just doesn't make any sense. 

You said it didn't make any sense to include Ray last year, and all he did was bang a bazillion bombs and almost win the MVP.  So can it.

OK, fair point.  But this is about this year, and as your brain, I can't justify it.  Let me guess, you want to make LeBron come off the bench so you can start Paul Pierce, too?

Heeeey... now you're catching on.  Your honor, I'd like to enter Eastern Conference Finals Game 7 as exhibits A through Z as to why The Truth should be voted in over Mister "I'm keeping my options open for 2010." 

Now you've lost it.  You might pump green blood down there, but even you can't really justify not starting the best player in the game.  I'm going to have to pull rank here and start voting on our behalf... Harris... Wade... James... Bosh...

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA buddy.  Bosh?  BOSH?  Over KG?  Are you freaking mental, dude?  I'll admit I'm pushing it a teeeeeeeny bit with Ray... and maybe Paul.  But there's no way I'm not voting KG. 

27 ppg versus 16 ppg.  10.5 rebounds versus 8.5 rebounds...

LA LA LA LA LA.... I'm not listening.... LA LA LA LA... one vote for Garnett.  And Perk too.... now to click submit and we're...

That's where I draw the line.  I love Kendrick Perkins.  But are you really going to put him in over Dwight Howard?  The guy who just put up a 32-point, 21-rebound game?  Mr. Superman dunk??  You loved the Superman dunk. 

I did.  But I'm going to love watching Perk even more.  Because HE'S the guy that's really going make people mad at me.  Hey look... someone is trying to solve the Pythagorean Theorem.

Where?

*click*

Hah!  One all-Celtic ballot in!  You know, for a brain, you're pretty stupid.

OK, you got me there.  But there are a few dozen more chances to vote, and I've password-protected the Megan Fox GQ photo shoot.  Your voting my way tomorrow... or else.

You sneaky son of a.... fine.  I'll see you back here tomorrow.  Same time?

I'll be here.