Is it time to outlaw stupidity?

January 29, 5:41 PMDallas Libertarian ExaminerGarry Reed

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This is a touchy subject for libertarians, since they don’t believe in laws other than those that prohibit coercion, the threat of coercion or fraud against people or their property, so stupidity laws would come into play only when one person’s single digit IQ activity impinges on another person’s right to be left the hell alone.

Different levels of Stupidity could be codified. For example, Misdemeanor Stupidity would apply to a schoolteacher who screams and quivers and drools at the mere sight of a second-grader’s crayon scribble and rips it up because it looks almost like a gun. The specific crime here is minor property destruction. The fact that such a mentally unbalanced person should be allowed to work as a teacher ought to be a matter of judgment on the part of her superiors and the parents who pay her salary.

Terrorist with a weapon or child with a toy? Can you tell the
difference? (AP Photo / Hatem Moussa)

Other legal categories of Stupidity would proceed through Negligent Stupidity, Felonious Stupidity, Massively Egregious Stupidity and Gran Mal Mental Seizure Stupidity.

In casting about for a suitable example of the latter, the following case as described by Atlanta's Channel 11 News pops out of the mainstream media woodwork.

Ten-year-old fifth-grader Alandis Ford took his cap pistol to his Newton County, Georgia, school to show his friends. Now he faces expulsion and long-term juvenile detention.

Everyone associated with the school from teachers to administrators to school board members to city councilcrats who created "gun free zones" and wrote "zero tolerance” laws need to be arrested and prosecuted for First Degree Gran Mal Mental Seizure Stupidity because enforcement of their laws violate the rights of rational people.

Alandis’ mother told reporters that "six police officers actually rushed into the door" of their home and asked Alandis, "Well where's the gun, where's the real gun?" Then they called him a liar, booked him, fingerprinted him, charged him with possessing a weapon on school property and with terroristic acts and threats.

The six courageous deputies from the Newton County Sheriff's office (likely Keystone Kops washouts) should be awarded dunce caps and sent to the state pen for a couple of months where they can mingle with the general population and gain first-hand experience in telling the difference between a ten-year-old boy and actual, hardened, career criminals.

And if governments are truly extensions of the people who create them, it’s time to mandate that all justice system personnel spend time on a gun range learning the difference between a "weapon" and a "cap pistol." They may actually discover that real guns put holes in things while toy guns just go "pop."

A Spokescop, always eager to justify everything every cop has ever done anywhere no matter what, claimed that Alandis had used the toy gun to threaten other children on the school bus. Alandis claims that another kid pulled the toy out of his book bag and started screaming "he's got a gun!" and "He's going to shoot all y'all."

So now maybe it's time for airhead parents to start teaching their children about guns (real and pretend) before they all injure themselves by hitting the ground during fainting spells. Unfortunately, that can’t be mandated.

But there's still more. The next day Alandis took his toy to a friend's house and asked him to come out and play. When the friend saw the "gun" he rushed back into the house and, having never before actually seen a gun, called 911. The incident report said, "responded to a 911 call from a ten-year-old who said there was a boy outside of his house with a gun trying to kill him."

Alandis claims that all he did was ask his friend to come out and play.

So now we know that, at least in Newton County, Georgia, a terroristic act is a ten-year-old holding a cap gun in his hand, and a threat is saying, "Can you come out and play?"

So what did the Deputy Dawgs do when they realized that the "weapon" Alandis had was a toy?

Says the Spokesofficer, "In this day and time, we do not take anything lightly, whether it's a toy gun or a real weapon, for the safety of the kids."

Safety from what, faint popping sounds from a cap pistol?

Maybe the only thing that can be done at this point is just to cordon off Newton County completely, airdrop cartons of reality pills and hope the population returns to its senses.

And if it works, do the same in school districts all over the country.