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Transgender marriages, a religious quagmire
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A young women contacted me through my website www.weddingsbythebay.net, asking to get married. She and her soon to be husband, Dave, wanted a nice beach wedding in Monterey, California. As that is what I do, I congratulated her on her upcoming wedding while I checked my calendar for available dates. We settled for a weekend in September and I began asking her about her plans for the wedding and her life in general.
I do this with all my brides so I can get to know them, to really find out what they want compared to what they could afford.
Rosy began by telling me about her dress. It was white of course, and short, perfect she thought for a beach wedding. Her husband would be wearing a nice suit. We talked about colors she had chosen and how many attendants she planned to have. Rosy told me she had decided on a simple ceremony with her and her Dave’s best friends, Michael and Glenda.
When I asked her about the type of ceremony she wanted, Rosy started to cry. She told me she and her fiancé wanted a religious ceremony but that god hated her and because of who she is she could never be part of any religion. Rosy told me that the pastor of her church had asked her to leave and never return when he found out about her.
Rosy explained that she was transgender and she had been told over and over that the bible called her an abomination and a sinner.
Rosy had completed the surgery and had lived as a woman for over 2 years. She said that she felt like a woman, looked like a woman but deep down she had always felt that she wasn’t good enough.
Rosy’s mother had told her that no matter what surgeries Rosy had she could never be a real woman and that she would always be just a man in a dress.
I guessed correctly that the mother would not be invited to the wedding and assured Rosy that she was a woman really. Completely, totally and legally a woman. There was no problem getting married in this state. Unless she was marrying another woman.
Rosy assured me that Dave was a he and that he knew all about her past.
We continued with the plans as usual although Rosy decided to leave god sitting on the bench for this one.
After I hung up with Rosy, I thought about all the people out there like her. Real people with real feelings. Because Rosy was transgender she was placed on the outside away from the “normal” people.
I started to wonder where this would all end up. If good people like Rosy, are shut out then what happens to the rest of us.
It seems easy among the christian community to shove the community aside and sign up to keep rights and privileges to themselves. They have a great history of doing that so why change, right?
The reason they must change is simple, because it is the right thing to do.
Rosy and Dave are lucky, because Rosy is legally female they can get married in California but what of all the others, the homosexuals, the lesbians, the transgender’s who have not gotten the surgeries? What you if someone should decide to hate us because of who you are?
I asked my friends and colleagues, can you hate someone for who they are? If you forget about moral judgements, put all the other stuff aside, put aside all your personal opinions, forget for one minute that we make you uncomfortable.
Can you really hate someone for being who they are?
Surprisingly the answer in the “christian” community is yes. The LGBT community is who it is; Christians cannot change us. You cannot force us to bend to your will. So why does the christian community cast us aside? If god loves everyone then why not us?
It seems any one who professes a belief in god, feels they have the right and the obligation to judge the LGBT community. They say they are christians and that they live by the bible but their actions prove otherwise. Proposition 8 was allegedly about protecting the straight marriage, we in the community know better. It was about protecting the status quo and trying to keep the LGBT in their place.
Rosy and Dave were married last September, by me, here in Monterey. Rosy wore a short dress and Dave wore a nice suit. The ceremony was simple and god was not invited.
Tricia is a wedding officiant and has performed more than 200 weddings and commitment ceremonies over the last ten years.
For more information visit her websites weddingsbythebay or gaymontereyweddings
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