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How Rihanna and Chris Brown fit into the cycle of domestic violence
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This week on ABC's "20/20", pop sensation Rihanna will give her account of the horrid physical abuse she received from fellow pop star and then-boyfriend Chris Brown. The couple made headlines when he was arrested for beating Rihanna in a car. Leaks of a picture showing Rihanna’s battered face caused even more alarm. Until this week, Rihanna has been largely silent. Chris Brown, however, has been extremely apologetic.
Rihanna’s will talk about why she stayed, why she forgave him, and why she left him again, supposedly for good. These were questions that many people-including her young, female fans- needed answers to. Judging from the interview excerpts, Rihanna’s experience fits with the familiar Cycle of Violence experienced by domestic abuse survivors.
Tension Building- In the tension building phase, abusers begin to get angry over seemingly small incidents. They find it tough to walk away. They might not commit direct violence, but it isn’t uncommon for abusers to threaten, throw things, and become reluctant to communicate properly. Victims may feel that they must walk on egg shells. Rihanna has recounted about times when Chris Brown would get very upset. There had been reports of Brown having disturbing arguments in hotel rooms with not just Rihanna but his own mother as well. The irony is that Brown has recalled his mother going through an abusive relationship while he was growing up.
Incident- the tension eventually leads to an incident. In Rihanna’s case, Brown received a cell phone call from another female. He allegedly lied about it and then she “wouldn’t let it go”, according to her account. Brown exploded, beating her repeatedly, biting her and choking her until she passed out. He was arrested and eventually sentenced to probation.
Honeymoon- The abuser apologizes for the incident. He feels bad and expresses extreme guilt. He is completely sorry for what he’s done (he says) and promises that it will never happen again. Lavish gifts and extreme acts of kindness could follow. These could be temptations for the victim to stay with the abuser because for many of them, this is the person that they fell in love with: the caring one. But for many abusers, this is another way to regain control of the relationship. This phase lasts until tension starts to build again. Then the cycle repeats.
Chris Brown has made many private and public apologies to Rihanna and his fans. He apologized on YouTube after his sentencing, after previously posting a video saying not to believe everything the media says. He then went on Larry King Live to discuss what happened (he says he doesn’t remember a thing). Even this week, Brown was on MTV apologizing once again.
Rihanna admitted that she made a mistake going back to Brown because it set a bad example for other girls out there who are in abusive relationships. However, this is a normal response. Many other women are under extreme financial burden, or have kids, or fear that the abuser will make good on threats to do further harm to them or the children. Victims should seek out shelter and safety because the cycle won't end.
"I will say that to any young girl who is going through domestic violence, don't react off of love. F love. Come out of the situation and look at it in the third person and for what it really is."
Hopefully both young men and women will watch this interview and re-examine how abusive relationships really are. If you feel that you are in one, call 1-800-799-SAFE.
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