A book review/ open letter to Chelsea Handler

December 5, 5:57 PMSeattle Books ExaminerDanielle Dreger-Babbitt

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Are you there, Chelsea? It's me, Danielle, the Seattle Book Examiner.  I just finished your new book Are You There, Vodka?  It's Me Chelsea and I wanted to tell you that I think you're the funniest writer out there.  I mean, you're funnier than Sloane Crosely, Laurie Nataro,  and Amy Sediaris combined.  You really ought to be called the Queen of Comedy.  I just adore your slightly vulgar sense of humor.  In fact, I had to change my pants three times while reading your book because I laughed so hard I wet myself.  My Horizontal Life was good, but Are You There Vodka is seriously top shelf.

It's a toss up on what the best essay in the book was.  I really liked "Prison Break" about your very brief stint in the Los Angeles County Women's Prison/ Sybil Brand Correctional Facility after your DUI.  I find it a little harsh that your sister reported you to the FBI for fraud because you used her licesnce as a fake ID to get into bars.  I'm surprised you even talk to her ten years later.  Also, the story about your dad implying that you two were Newlyweds in order to be upgraded to First Class on a trip to Costa Rica was classic and kind of disturbing.  I guess my favorite essay was "Regift."  Who hasn't been invited to a last minute birthday party and regifted something they didn't like (not me, I swear) to a less than steller friend?  I think you made the right call ducking out of that party.

I hope you're working on a new book because I don't think I can go very long without your hilarious stories.  You make the rest of us look boring.  If you aren't writing anything new, would you consider coming to Seattle sometime soon and performing a show or two?  Kathy Griffin made it to the Northwest recently and she is totally D-list.  You are at least C-list, if not B-list.  Your show Girls Behaving Badly and Chelsea Lately are much better than anything Griffin has done.  I'm just saying.  I suppose I'll just have to set my DVR in the meantime.

Chelsea, I just want to thank you for putting yourself out there.  I hope your book sales continue to go well so that your dad doesn't try to buy a box from Barnes and Noble and illegally resell them.  I have recommended Are You There, Vodka?  It's Me, Chelsea to all my faithfull readers.  You really have the gift of comic genuis.

In the meantime, maybe you could send me a signed photo of yourself so that I can show all my friends that I know a famous person, kind of like what you did in "Blacklisted" when you lied and told everyone in your elementrary school that you were starring in Private Benjamin 2 with Goldie Hawn.  It would make an awesome Christmas present.

I guess I'll close the letter now.  I know you're busy and probably receive a ton of fan mail.  I don't expect a quick or personal reply.  I just wanted to let you know that your New York Times best selling book changed my life.  Okay, that's not really true.  But you did teach me the valuable lesson that when life hands you lemons, break out the vodka.

Sincerely,

Danielle, Seattle Book Examiner