DMX's Whack-tastic Year

While perusing the end of year lists of 2008, Examiner was a little disheartened to realize that four years after O.D.B./Osirus/Dirt McGirt/Ason Unique/What'shisname moved on to the big recording studio in the sky, the music industry is still sorely lacking it's king of comedy.

Sure, a few performers brought some good crazy this year. The R. Kelly trial was nearly as funny as the "Trapped in the Closet" series, Courtney Love's incoherent "sober" blog rants ushered in a new era of heiroglyphics, and Kanye's endless ego tripping was the gift that kept on giving, but only one artist blazed a trail of ?!!?! across America, reminiscent of Big Baby Jesus' heyday. We're talking about the one and only Dark Man X. Once a successful artist, DMX is now a frequent guest of our penal system. To honor the memory of O.D.B., we give you his heir apparent's most entertaining moment's of 2008:

-Gave a false name and stolen social security card with his correct date of birth as I.D. to the Mayo clinic.

-Claimed the mother of one of his children raped him to conceive a child.

-After learning of a future date for arraignment from a judge, helpfully yelled out all the dates he planned not to show up in court in near future.

-Was caught going 114 m.p.h. in a groovy neon yellow 1966 Chevy Nova, a speed previously deemed impossible for that vehicle.