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Dealing with stares while in the community with your special needs child.

 

A person staring at your child in the community will probably annoy you, even when your child isn’t aware that someone is staring at them. As a parent your reactions may vary but the cause of the reactions are all based on your love and care for your child. Some parents give them the, “You know children smile”. Some parents get angry and may give them the “What are YOU staring at look. Some parents may choose to take that opportunity to educate the individual staring. Some parents ignore and continue on with their day. While some parents may decrease the amount of time they spend in the community with their child. But why are they staring?

 

Let’s go back to the day when you recognized or were informed that your child had a disability. The questions you had then are the questions many people in the community, young and old, have when they encounter your special needs child. Though some people are genuinely not nice and may mock or mimic your special needs child, some are genuinely curious.

 

For centuries in our society individual’s with special needs were taken away from their families at young ages and placed into institutions. In 1955 there became a big push for Deinstitutionalization. People with special needs began to be treated through medication and behavior modification techniques. Now many more special needs children have an opportunity to remain at home with their families and integrate into the community.

So 59 years later when you are in the community with your special needs child that’s a great step for you and your child. Don’t allow people in the community staring at them to discourage you. It should encourage you to continue taking them into your community and more often.

 

 We often fear the unknown. They may not know why your child walks that way, or why they have interesting facial features, or why they are yelling, or why they are drooling, or why won’t stop laughing, or why they are following you with a blank stare, or why they are 6’10 with a teddy bear or why they are who they are.Let their curiosity and/or lack of knowledge be your encouragement for you to take your child into your community regularly. Taking your child into the community regularly helps your child become more familiar with their community and overtime their community becomes more familiar with them. When people become familiar with your child they become familiar with their disability as well as the abilities. Don’t misunderstand, people will still stare but there will be more people familiar with your child and not staring. You will also notice that the more you take your child into the community the more comfortable you become with the stares and the more you learn to not care about who is staring. Like every other family you have things to do and many of them require you to go into the community. So go. It’s good for you and it’s good for your child no one else really maters.

 

If you can’t resist making contact with the individual staring give them a nice “hello” and a smile. This could assist in giving them a sense of awareness that they are staring and you’ve noticed. Many people may not realize they are staring because they are so focused on what they are staring at.

 

If the person choices to ask you questions about your child’s disability be kind and positive. Don’t make the situation any more awkward than they have made it. Know your child’s disability and possibly a web-site you can direct them to for further education.

 

Lastly don’t make a scene. If you make a scene with a typical child people will stare so surely if you make a scene with a special needs child you must expect people to stare too. If your child begins to misbehave or show behaviors you aren’t proud of in the community you should remain calm, neutral and in control. This will assist the people in your community to be more comfortable with the situation too.

 

 Going into the community is usually part of a typical child’s everyday life. Going into the community should be a part of your special needs child’s everyday life too. People staring at them in the community should not be but it will be. You have to remember that your child benefits from being in the community. So no matter how many stares you may get make sure you continue to take your child out into their community.  

 

 

Deinstitutionalization, A Psychiatric "Titanic" Retrieved July 10, 2009, from http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/asylums/special/excerpt.html

 

 

 

Community Story~ On Providence Highway in Norwood MA they recently built a Chipotle Mexican Grill. A family I work with has been taking their two Autistic Children there about once a week since they opened. Recently I had the pleasure of joining them. The two Autistic children knew the resturant and the employees knew them. The employees knew the children wanted chips and gucamole. They knew they were loud and going to distract the rest of their customers but they each greeted them. From the food preparer to the cashier they all smiled and greeted the girls. All though it took us a little longer to get through the line and place our order, the emplyees were happy to assist us. To the mother of the children I said “They are very nice here” . The mother replied with gratitutde, “Yeah they actually seem to like the girls”.