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What’s the beef with bisexuals?
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Art Caroline Sykora
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Bisexuals may appreciate both genders, but there are many people, male and female, that have misperceptions about what it means to be bisexual. As a result, bisexuals often find their sexual identity questioned.
Many in the heterosexual community mistakenly assume that bisexuality denotes an increased likelihood of infidelity or risky sexual behavior. I am not aware of any studies proving either suspicion. Infidelity and promiscuity are individual choices. These behaviors are exhibited by both genders and occur throughout the sexual spectrum. If scientists decided to test control groups to establish increased propensity for these behaviors, I would expect men to be the group showing the strongest innate proclivity for both.
Studies have demonstrated that men are more visually stimulated and genetically wired for polygamy. However, that doesn’t mean that bisexual men are going to be any more prone to this behavior than other males. Within the gay community, men are far more promiscuous that women. Bar dynamics are radically different between the two groups. I have always thought that gay bars provide an interesting Petrie dish for gender studies.
Given the mainstream perception of homophobia and the ongoing social dialogue about gay rights, it is not surprising that some heterosexuals would view bisexuality unfavorably. After all, bisexuals bridge both lifestyles. However bisexuals often encounter judgment from the gay community as well. Many lesbians have issues with bisexuals, referring to them as ‘fence sitters,’ ‘fauxmosexual,’ ‘heteroflexible,’ ‘AC/DC’ or ‘LUG’ (lesbian until graduation). All of the terms denigrate bisexuality, treating it as an invalid sexual orientation based on indecisiveness.
I have never understood this attitude from the lesbian community. How can one group expect society to be tolerant towards their sexual orientation while simultaneously discriminating and invalidating another group’s sexual orientation? It is illogical. Shouldn’t the gay community be more sensitive about condemning others for their sexual attractions? Does anyone really believe that sexual identity only manifests as straight and gay? I don’t.
Why would lesbians and gays reject bisexuals? The underlying grievance is often based on viewing bisexuals as uncommitted to the gay community and unlikely to commit to a gay relationship. Bisexuality is perceived as being experimental rather than a genuine exploration of same sex relationships. Whereas that may be an accurate assessment for some of the people who identify as bisexual, it isn’t an assumption that should be applied to everyone across the board. Once again, I find myself at odds with stereotyping.
Bisexuality makes sense to me intellectually. Being attracted to others based on who they are, rather than plumbing, seems reasonable. On a practical level my hormones don’t operate according to that paradigm, but my sexual orientation has no bearing on the validity of someone else’s sexual expression. I don’t question the attractions of others. What consensual adults do with one another is none of my business if I am not one of the participants.
I have a hypothesis that sexuality, like many things, operates based on a standard bell curve, with bisexuals in the middle. I have no idea what the standard deviation would be on the curve, but I suspect that bisexuals outnumber homosexuals. Does anyone know how to write a research grant proposal?
I admit bias on this topic. Many of my friends are bisexual. I haven’t dated many lesbians. If it were not for the kindness demonstrated by various bisexual women over the years, my sex life would have been abysmal, bleak, dismal and virtually non-existent. I would qualify to be a lesbian nun or, perhaps, a lesbian in theory.
No one should have to pick one label, to the exclusion of all others, if that label is not apt. Human sexuality defies labels. Every individual, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, has sexual propensities and/or aversions that are not shared by other members of their group.
Gay activist organizations cite lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) participation. In matters of civil and legal rights we are all happy to cooperate, but if we can’t overcome prejudice within our community, how can we hope to overcome prejudice within society? If lesbians and gays want social inclusion, to leave the closet behind permanently, then we may need to address bigotry and bias within our community towards bisexuals and transgendered. I propose a policy of no bisexual bashing or transgender trashing. Live and let live. If you can’t see beyond labels and adjectives, you will never truly get to know anyone.
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