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Is the Catholic Church capable of doing the 'right' thing'?
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With all the media coverage that has been given to clergy sexual abuse in the Catholic Church the past 7 years, I have seen little if anything about the effect this has had on the parents of abuse victims. Abuse victims have one thing in common: they are all from families that were extremely devout Roman Catholics, who trusted priests implicitly. Many times families are often torn apart when the abuse comes out, and some family members chose the church over the survivor. This is probably the most heartbreaking thing for the survivor.
Marie Tupper chose to stand up for her son. Her first words to me were, "As a mother, I wish this would have happened to me, rather than my 3 year old son. Her son was abused in the rectory of Father Thomas Lee. In return for standing up for her son, she has been ostracized by the pastor & members of her own parish. She lives in the small town in
Her parish priest, Rev. Raymond Picard stopped her from being a lector that she had been for years, as a punishment and called her a liar. Marie had called Paul Kendrick a year after the report was ignored and he saw to it that they listened to her son. Paul Kendrick supported and helped them in many ways, among contacting the bishop to allow her to lector again.
She wanted to become a Eucharistic minister to shut-ins & her request was denied. When her son had an appointment to meet with Bishop Richard Malone of the Portland Maine Diocese, her son was kept waiting and then told that he had the wrong day. Bishop Malone publicly agreed to meet with victims—clearly just a standard PR ploy by the Church. Marie tried to meet with the bishop's representative who wouldn't answer her 2 e-mails nor her two phone messages. She then wrote the bishop four e-mail asking to meet with her and another victim but was ignored until she said she might go to his mansion and ring his doorbell. She was lied to by Sue Bernard (his spokesperson) about the bishop not being able to meet with her until much later so to meet with his reps. but then told it was a "mistake" and that the bishop wouldn't meet with her.
I’m sad to say that Marie’s story is not uncommon when parents of victims stand up for their child. She told me of the guilt she felt that she unknowingly wasn't able to protect her son. She said "I trusted priests with my life, why wouldn’t I trust them with my son?" As she spoke about the pain her son has been in, the struggles he has been through his whole life & the challenges he still faces in recovery, my heart broke. I could tell that as a mother, she wishes she could take the pain away. She can’t.
Her story made me think of my own mother & all the other mothers of abuse victims that I know, women like Janet Patterson of the Wichita Diocese whose son, Eric committed suicide. The sense of helplessness, the despair, the shattered trust in all that they believed to be of God, is beyond words. Marie’s words were telling. She said "they are only concerned with their own "image," not with the survivors. If they would just do the right thing, their "image" would be much better.
So much is written about the large settlements that have been made. For every person who has received some type of settlement, there are probably another 10 survivors out there who have received nothing and another 100 who are still suffering in silence as they haven’t come forward. Many of them are struggling just to “get by.” Money along with power, are the Church’s true "gods." As most survivors & advocates have come to understand, "money is the only language the Catholic Church understands.” Marie & I agreed that that they know the damage that they have caused to so many people, but they don’t care, they don’t want to get it. As Mary Jane McGraw, of Coalition for Truth, would say, "they just seem to be incapable of doing the right thing." I am sure that if you asked any survivor or their loved ones, if they could have the time back, if the abuse could be erased, they’d rather have that than any amount of money.
I wish I could take away Marie’s pain, as well as the pain of her son, her own 83 year old mother and family members who have supported Marie in her battle for justice and all those others who have been hurt by the actions of thousands of soulless individuals who call themselves priests, Bishops, Cardinals—so called men of God. I can’t, nor can anyone else. All we can do is join together, be there for each other & do the best that we can to hold them accountable—criminally, civilly and spiritually for the crimes they have committed.
Jeff Dion, who has long worked with victims of violent crime, says that "abuse happens in isolation, recovery happens in community." No truer words about what has caused this whole crisis and the key to recovery have ever been spoken.
Marie’s story, along with the stories of thousands of others must be told again and again, until this sexual spiritual holocaust of innocent people, has ended.
