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Obama will nominate 'middle aged white guy' to Supreme Court

April 30, 10:22 PMSeattle Political Satire ExaminerC. Y. Bermant
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Colorblind

Any time a  Supreme Court justice steps down it sends shock waves through the nation, but the upcoming retirement of David Souter has elevated the political Richter Scale. It will be the first high court appointment from Barack Obama, and it is assumed that the first African-American president will nominate an African-American justice--essentially doubling black representation on the court. Or, as some pundits suggest, the safest guess is for a liberal woman of any race.

Officially, the White House staff is saying that Obama is keeping his mind open, and will select the person who is most qualified to carry on his judicial legacy. Privately, however, aides admit that while the person has not yet been selected it is almost certain to be a middle aged white male.

"Everyone assumes that Barack will tap a 'brother' or a 'sister' for the vacancy," said an unnamed member of Obama's inner circle. "But he doesn't want to do the predictable thing. Whoever he picks is going to get a huge amount of criticism from special interest group, and the white guy lobby isn't all that strong. He's essentially picking his battles."

Obama's legal staff has also questioned the necessity for another "black" justice for its own sake, since Clarence Thomas is filling such a strong advocacy role for his people. 

"There are dozens of qualified candidates of all races," the source said. "But it doesn't make any sense to nominate someone to watch out for African-American interests. Justice Thomas has proven himself as a champion for equal rights and equal opportunity. He has ferreted out places where racial injustices have occurred, and made every effort to correct the imbalances. He is currently the best advocate of Negro rights."

While there have been no official statements, no African-American leaders have chosen to comment about the preference. Reporters relentlessly pursued several articulate, high profile and outspoken black leaders, but only one, Rev. Al Sharpton, has responded in any way, Even so, Sharpton's statement was less than illuminating.

"I never thought I would say this," he said. "But I'm speechless."
 

This is satire and may not actually happen.
 

 

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