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Michael Jackson's message on a napkin--have mercy
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Some of us who grew up watching Michael Jackson from the beginning struggle now to express our feelings adequately about his untimely death. Those of us who are the same age or nearly the same age as the mega-star are living witnesses to his rise. We saw him go from the little boy from Gary, Ind., whose enormous talent caused Suzanne de Passe to lobby disinterested Motown mogul Berry Gordy to give Jackson and his brothers an audition to seeing Jackson evolve and become the King of Pop, the biggest music star in the history of the industry.
And now we see him die too soon, at 50, reminding us all of our own mortality and loss of youth. We who grew up with him struggle and also those who grew up seeing him already grown on MTV as music royalty.
One writer and historian, Aberjhani, who is close to Jackson's age and who remembers when Jackson climbed the music charts as the boy lead singer of the Jackson 5, shared provocative commentary with his readers about the complicated soul we saw as Michael. Aberjhani is the author of the Encyclopedia of the Harlem Renaissance and other books, but he took time to reflect on the remarkable message Jackson wrote on hotel stationery* one day in the 90s.
You probably can't read the words in the note next to the accompanying photo of Michael Jackson, but they were handwritten by the singer himself during the mid 1990s when he was constantly on tour and just as constantly a subject of much public ridicule and condemnation. This note was composed on hotel stationery and, complete with original spellings, grammar, and format, reads as follows:
"like the old Indian proverb says do not judge a man until you've walked 2 moons in his moccasins.
Most people don't know me, that is why they write such things in wich most is not true
I cry very very often because it hurts and I worry about the children all my children all over the world, I live for them.
If a man could say nothing against a character but what he can prove, history could not be written.
Animals strike, not from malice, but because they want to live, it is the same with those who criticize, they desire our blood, not our pain. But still I must achieve I must seek truth in all things. I must endure for the power I was sent forth, for the world for the children.
But have mercy, for I've been bleeding a long time now."
M.J. (circa 1995) -- "To Walk in Michael Jackson's Moccasins" by Aberjhani
Aberjhani's piece includes the Jackson photo with napkin inset that is also posted with this article, and he writes that he does not know the name of the photographer. The book author's full commentary about the singer's legacy continues, contemplating Jackson's challenges and our challenge to see people fully, flaws and all, yet still give honor where honor is due:
Years later I considered the greater scope of what he had achieved. While the vast majority of those in our peer group at age eleven or twelve were at home evenings studying for a quiz in school the next day or building up nerve to steal a first kiss, Michael Jackson was working--working in clubs, working in theaters, working on television, working in concert halls, working working working his ass off. On how many continents, and in how many countries, was that child a stranger in a strange land? Yet one who repeatedly channeled gifts of song and dance and love to bring respites of celebrated joy to the lives of others? His labors as a child played no small role in laying a foundation of lasting wealth for what has been called America's "preeminent family of pop music." Later on, those labors would pull a lagging recording industry out of its deathbed slump, and jump-start a new industry art form known as video while trashing racial barriers on TV and radio in the process. Did that make him a saint? No. Does it make his memory one worthy of respect? Most definitely. (Aberjhani)
This is part of the inner struggle some of us have when writing about Jackson. It's the same struggle we've had watching him transform from the child we saw as like us, our distant stellar playmate, to the adult about whom we worried and who at times perplexed and frustrated us.
We loved him, and so we seek ways to explain him while looking through the lens of human frailty, one that magnifies our need to let love cover a multitude of sins, those failings we can't help but see because they've been dragged into the glare of public spotlight.
Even if we never saw Michael's message on a napkin, we knew that he needed compassion like anyone else, the same compassion we who loved him but also sometimes scorned him need in our daily lives. However, we often looked away because seeing his escapades, his allegation-stricken seasons, and what we felt must be evidence of his hidden pain served us as much sorrow sometimes as his enormous talent delivered joy. And at other times we were angry: How could he let us down after we'd lifted him so high above us?
Aberjhani ends his commentary with the thought that many have earned money trashing Michael Jackson. Perhaps now that this icon of our generation has passed on from this planet, his detractors will be more charitable. I add that knowing that we all fall at some point, perhaps we all should be more charitable in everything we do.
Here is video from Jackson's 1988 performance at the Grammy's of "Man in the Mirror," the song that possibly reflects most his tendency toward introspection.
This next clip is Michael Jackson's music video for the song "Childhood." CNN reports that this is the song that Jackson said revealed him most. In his lifetime, Jackson lamented the loss of his childhood, that he cried sometimes watching other children play outside while he had to work, rehearsing with his brothers for their Jackson 5 performances. He also alleged that his father, Joe Jackson, was physically and verbally abusive.
Lyrics to Michael Jackson's song, "Childhood"
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood (Childhood) I've never known...
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
But the dreams I would dare, watch me fly...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had
Have you seen my Childhood....
*Writer's Note: The word "napkin" is used figuratively. Jackson wrote his message on stationery supplied by the hotel. He was a writer, and writers will grab anything when they are inspired to write, sometimes napkins. Hotel stationery never feels like your own. It's just something you grab, like a paper napkin, when have to get a message out of your system.
Other links:
- Michael Jackson, fears of an untimely death, visions of eternal fame
- A Personal Remembrance of Michael Jackson at Nordette's blog
- Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett: Too Soon, Too Much
- Michael Jackson, Dead at 50, with updated statement from Jermaine Jackson
- "After Jackson, Fame May Never Be the Same" by David Segal, NYT
- More news on Michael Jackson at Examiner
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