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The top ten greatest (and suckiest) things about “Twilight” the movie -#10
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Photo: Summit Entertainment
I am definitely a super-fan of the entire “Twilight” series. How much? Well, let me put it this way. I bought “Twilight” one lovely spring day, went home unaware of my impending addiction… and wound up spending that entire day reading only breaking for the call of nature and when my body literally forced me to sleep. The next day I had jury duty. I drove to Target before it opened and waited so that I could buy “New Moon” and “Eclipse” before I had to go to court. While waiting to be selected, I chewed through the first half of “New Moon” like a starving person. The next day, I took on “Eclipse”. After three days, I was on an all-time Edward-high that left my family wondering if they should be concerned as I had a permanent goofy grin on my face. Alas, there were no more books, so I was left with my dignity to be discreetly obsessed. Then, months later they released “Eclipse” – Special Edition and I dashed out to buy it, because I must have the copy with the fold out poster and the first chapter of “Breaking Dawn” (Shake your head at me if you must.)
Even through the drool-tinted lenses of a superfan, it’s easy to spot all the things that went wrong with “Twilight” the movie. (To be fair, the tagline on the poster reads “Nothing will be the same.” So, we were warned.) As a grown woman, it was painful to sit in the theater that opening weekend. My best friend Sarah purposefully left her husband at home, wanting no one to witness what we assumed would be giggly, silly behavior on our part. We were both prepared to willfully and gladly geek out. We ended up cringing so many times during the film that our arms were sore from bracing ourselves. I traded my hopes for biceps. Sigh. At the time, we could see nothing but the flaws. With repeat viewings, I’ve been able to pick out the good moments, the redeeming factors (yes, there are a few). Now, in addition to my other countdowns (which, are you still bearing with me?) I will be counting down the top ten greatest (and suckiest) things about “Twilight” the movie. (Pun intended)
Number #10 Suckiest – Eric Yorkie stealing half the screen time.
“Bella, look, it’s a worm! Har har har.”
“La Push, baby. La Push. It’s La Push.”
“I am this totally rocking DJ. That’s not cheesy or forced at all. And I work for the school newspaper. And I bite Angela’s head off when she talks to me, yet she still has a crush on me, and when she asks me out, I say yes because that makes sense. Nothing says empowered woman like asking out the guy who treats you like garbage.”
What? What, what, what? Someone explain to me, first of all, why Eric has a larger role than Mike Newton. Eric was in the background for most of the novels, heck, he’s hardly mentioned after “Twilight”. Mike Newton is present far more than he is, and his dialogue is a little more dignified. Even if he pukes in a popcorn bucket in the back of Jacob’s car. (Can’t forget that scene.) Eric, instead of having a cute crush on Bella he’s, frankly, up her arse half the movie. He’s eating up screen time. Valuable screen time that could have been used to develop Bella and Edward’s relationship (instead of that sudden-crash-into-the-steering-wheel-without-an-airbag ridiculousness. At least in the novel, it made some sense… there was some buildup. But I’m getting ahead of myself.) At least Bella tells Eric to shut up at one point. Check the cafeteria scene. It’s subtle, but it’s there. We wish we could all do the same, honey.
Number #10 Greatest – Alice Cullen played to perfection by Ashley Greene.
Ah, the wonderful Ashley Greene. While her wardrobe wasn’t quite right, and she was a bit taller than expected… just look at her face. Her mannerisms. Her way of speaking. She hit every mark with that sweet, cute, all-knowing Alice that we love. Her friendship with Bella seemed natural (sort-of) and… oh heck, you know she nailed it. The twirl as she walked through the cafeteria with Jasper, her carefree “I know it’s all going to work out” attitude, her nearly skipping with joy as she meets Bella for the first time. Thank you, Ashley Greene, for saving us from the despair of a ruined Alice. Bravo. Let’s hope you can only improve on what you didn’t ruin for the next few films, because we love you.
Believe it or not, I read every comment that is left to me. Please, let me know your opinions, because even though I’ve already drafted the list, I am open to suggestions. I hope to make this as accurate as possible! Thanks so much for reading, and join me in keeping your fingers crossed for a bright, amazing, and majestic “New Moon”!
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Number 9: www.examiner.com/examiner/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m6d15-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--9
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Numbers 8,7: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m6d30-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--8--7
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Numbers 6,5,4,3,2,1: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m7d1-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--654321
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