"I've seen things...horrible things..."
Since the dawn of time man has wanted to cram bulbous objects up his rectum. And thanks to hardworking medical professionals, there’s always a backup plan for when that troll doll or hotdog gets stuck.
An ER nurse recently described the unsavory items she’d been forced to remove from patients’ nether regions on her blog. In an attempt to hold up a sagging uterus, a woman inserted a sweet potato into her vagina. “Removing that was more than my sensitive gag-reflex could handle,” the nurse says. “I've never eaten a sweet potato since that day.” She doesn’t list the gamut of emotions she must have experienced while removing a pen from a man’s urethra, but let’s assume that this was equally unpleasant.
But not all medical professionals react with diplomacy when prying large objects out of small orifices. In the Philippines, several physicians are facing charges after video of them removing a deodorant can from a patient’s rectum surfaced on YouTube. In the video, the medical staff can’t contain their laughter during the procedure. At one point, someone whips out a cell phone camera to get a close-up of the surgery. As a doctor pulls out the 6-inch long canister from deep inside the male patient’s rectum, someone cries, “Baby out!” to a chorus of cheers. The 39-year-old patient says the conundrum was a result of a drinking spree and “one night stand” with a male partner, and that he was too inebriated to remember how the canister ended up inside him. My parents always regretted not taping the glory of my birth, so at least this anally adventurous lad has a souvenir of his special day (he just has to wait a while for the video to download on YouTube if thousands of strangers are also vying to see the footage).
And if you think a 6-inch canister would be a cozy fit for the human sphincter, check out this list of items that medical professionals have removed from a patient’s anus (you’ve eaten already, right?):
| an antenna rod |
| a live, shaved, declawed gerbil |
| an axe handle |
| a Coke bottle |
| a plastic spatula |
| a 9-inch zucchini |
| a 150-watt light bulb |
| 72 jewelers’ saws |
| a screwdriver |
| an apple |
| four rubber balls |
| a 10-inch length of broomstick |
| a frozen pig’s tail |
| a banana encased in a condom |
| a whisky bottle with a cord attached |
| an 18-inch umbrella handle |
| an oil can |
| a 6-inch by 5-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces |
| a peanut butter jar |
| a flashlight |
| several tumblers and glasses |
| a file |
| a Carbonundum grindstone with handle |
| concrete and a ping-pong ball |
Sweet dreams everybody!
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Comments
I loev the whisky bottle with a cord attached. you can see the person thought it through by tying a cord around the bottle so they could pull it out in the end. how unfortunate that it didnt work...
These guys are dorks. I'm a healthy heterosexual male and I've been sticking phallus-like objects up my
nether regions for ages without any problem. My sweet spot is at 13" but never has anything got stuck, including a record 9.5" circumference curved dildo. Just for the record.
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