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You don't have to be afraid and alone.
As the title implies, androphobia is the abnormal and persistent fear of men. While a fear of this type may be caused by a fascination of crime statistics, this is not the usual cause for the phobia. In most cases androphobia is developed due to a traumatic event. It could be a number of things that range from seeing your mother physically or verbally abused to being a victim of rape at any age. It can be closely related with the fear of rape, virginitiphobia, although people that suffer from this may have never been the victim of rape but still fear it as if they had.
Androphobia can have an adverse effect on your personal and professional life. Many sufferers of androphobia live single for the majority of their lives without any psychological treatment. Although you can live a normal life full of friends and many other social networks, you can never know what marriage is like. Some people may have no issues with that, but there are many women who want the married life but unable to take that path due to androphobia.
As far as your professional life is concerned, it is no mystery that a majority of the workplace is made up of men. The ratio of women to men has greatly increased over the course of thirty years, but statistics still show a moderate margin. This is where a phobia of men could prevent you from getting a promotion, a raise or even obtaining employment. I am not saying you must necessarily like your male co-workers, but you do have to be social in the workplace for you to be able to move along in your career e.g.,(interviews, meetings, etc.).
So now you can see how different areas of your life could be affected by androphobia. On another note, there are many little girls in the world that are naturally afraid of men from a very young age. I wouldn’t want any mothers to immediately assume they have been harmed in the past for them to have developed this fear. Most young children are afraid of men because of their deep voices and size rather than anything more serious. You can determine whether a real problem exists if it persists throughout their older years. The fear of men is something I believe to be very common and treatable. With the proper counseling, many women can overcome their fear of men and go on to lead successful lives with a lower stress level.
For more info please visit: http://organizedwisdom.com/Androphobia
Comments
Well written!
Yes, very well written and informative, too. I've always figured most women were intimidated by my large size, or is that something differant?
Actually Brian, that could be a combination of androphobia and megalophobia (fear of large things). On the other hand, it may not be a phobia with the women you mentioned as much as it could be just intimidation.
Oh,cool. I appreciate the response. That's something I wouldn't expect from a columnist. Bravo!
Could it also be that women are expected to deal with men in so many negative ways? We are objects to men they abuse us not only physically, but emotionally. They want to own us, but still have every women in the world. They want to beat us and expect us to hold them. They are ALWAYS on the news doing something HORRIBLE. Rapes, Incest, Murders, Child Murders...men are constantly behaving like selfish predators. They have a fear of committment and want women to do all the work in life. This is by no means all men. But not enough men fight against this ugly nature, instead they just beg women who have been through the wringer to 'just trust them'. No mass effort to change the image of men. Just passive acceptance of the privileges and pure denial of the pain they cause. They still cannot decide if we are their mothers or sexual objects.
I think your statement is biased, possibly with reason ad i know your just being all free speechish but, really not only men are doing all these things. There are a significant amount and if you watched the media you would think that all men do these things because thats what people want to hear. People like the Idea of men as violent and abusive most of the time with a few exceptions that prove the rule. You really are asking us men to apologize for the crimes of some who just happen to also have testicles. It's not in mens nature to do these things, something is wrong with them, and maybe you shouldn't blame functional men for the crimes of the idiots and the mentally unbalanced ones. Women are just as capable of killing, raping, murdering, and abusing as men are although granted women don't have a penis they can still cause the emotional disaster that rape is. They can still cause pain and bring tears and really we need to accept that in a perfect world these things wouldnt happen at all, but this isn't a perfect world. (Poetic, Bold, and a touch of Humility, I should publish this, Huh!)
Being from a man, I doubt a androphobe would listen to this article :\ Phobias are quite hard to cure.
confront the person who may have caused you or a person who you love harm?
This was very well written, but in my own way I find it hard to believe that as a man you can understand how it feels to suffer from androphobia. Most of the women who suffer from androphobia (Including myself) do not have a choice over the matter. As a woman personally suffering from androphobia I have tried many ways to cure myself, and you make it sound muh easier than it really is. This phobia feels like a poisonous disease, and it is in no way easy to cure, even with proper counselling.
Women aren't the only ones who have this problem. There are plenty of men like myself who experience it as well. Mine stems from having a father who had no business getting married and raising children. I've always wondered who I could have been if I hadn't been hit with a 2x4 when I was little. You have no idea what kind of hell I live in with this problem. Well at least now I know it has a name.
I know for a fact that not all men are hateful, and abusive, but as was written before, I have no choice. In my case, the man has to prove himself, prove that he won't abuse me like my last boyfriend. This usually takes a couple weeks, for me to stop shaking in my seat when I'm at school seated next to a guy. It is really affecting my life, and I want to get over it, but I know it's going to take a long time. Hopefully I can find the help I need in the small town I live in.
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I have always been afraid of men and i am almost 60 and thru fear never had any relationships I was called a lesbian and I am not I am very afraid when men they want to date me i panic that they will try to touch me inappropriately I always wanted children and have a husband but the fear of men remains I have always been alone at weddings parties dinners It is a very lonely life i do not know how to slow dance the thought of someone putting their tongue down my throat makes me want to puke i could never or woodever give a blow job that sickens me i have so many issues I am too old to cure but to you younger women please get help I will always be alone and it is not what i wanted
I searched under this subject and this was the first link I clicked. I had suspected that the material on this matter was going to be geared towards women, and I was right. That's a shame because it can affect males as well. In my case, my marriage was ruined by my wife's affairs with numerous men. I subsequently lost my wife, my house, everything I owned, one of my two jobs. It may not be rational, since my wife was the source of the problem, but this has resulted in androphobia for me. I feel that "men" took everything away from me, so I have just realized I am walking around in constant "fight or flight" mode when around other males. It's horrible, and there's no cure.
My heart goes out to the 60 year old lady who is alone and has been afraid of men her whole life. I had a dad who abused me mentally and physically and a mother who stood by and did nothing. After so many abusive relationships I lost count I gave up dating for good. Counselors tell me 'that was the past, this is now' and to get over it but no one shows me how. I am 63 and like the lady just mentioned I have accepted that I will live my life alone. I have no close family and at 63 that's not a pleasant thought. The thought of dating and getting into a car with a man scares the wits out of me. Men still find me attractive as I am athletic and petite but there is no way I could be alone with one. I have been hit, raped, drugged, emotionally abused and have to draw the line somewhere before someone 'loves me to death'. I wish there was a cure.
Dammed MANiac! Really? Women want to rape? There are very few of these kinds of women. As women we get more sexual attention than we want from men everywhere we go, every dam day, and some of them don't take no for an answer. Rape for men is sexual! I don't care what the special text book education-ed people on this claim, and that claim is more about controlling behavior. It's is controlling a women for sexual pleasure! I've been raped, twice in my 20's and once in my 30's and many of my friends have been raped, more than half. Men do this so much more that people know or young hurt scared and shocked women will reported. Oh, yes and by now the thought has entered your mind, WOW, she must date a lot of men. Very little over my life time. Not all rapists look like scum bags, some policemen in this town do it and other high officials, doctors and even ministers or the like, and some professors at universities and colleges. But I'm not taking anymore risks! Now in our early 50's. We once were all beautiful young sweet and ambitious, and emotionally healthy women excited to live life. Don’t get mad at me for telling my experience, cry for me and my friends. We lost a lot!
Well, I do believe that's because all men are fucktards. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.
No one said women want rape...right?
i have a fear of men
Hello. I have androphobia. I am an educated woman aged 32 and a virgin still. I am attracted to men but just afraid of them, any kind of physical contact. Unfortunately whenever they walk into a room it's like my 'fight or flight' response goes off and I have no control over this, I wish I could.
i hate my dad .i lost my childhood becus of sm sick teenagers . there was a time when i wanted to kill all the men in this world but still there r sm nice men who made me change my view however my life still spoiled im so afraid of them now im 20 i became lesbian
MANiac sounds to me like (he?) is taking a common defense stance. It's the old 'I don't do it so it's not a problem/your view is less valid/etc. etc.'.
I get that MANiac doesn't want to be branded as anything just because (I'm assuming) he's a man, much the same nobody wants to be treated a certain way just because of what they are (racism? sexism? classism?) However, the reality is that male violence IS a very big problem and it's not just a couple mentally unwell men ruining it for all men. It's a systemic and social problem wherein men are raised from youth to value winning, dominance, and aggression and women were raised to be passive and accommodating. We teach boys and men that masculinity is better than femininity. Think of the problems gay and straight men who engage in traditionally feminine behavior have in society.
When we raise a culture of people to believe that women, and traditionally feminine things, are lesser and being powerful and aggressive is valuable, you're raising a culture that accepts objectifying women and girls and will be prone to violence against women, gay men, men who don't prescribe to traditionally masculine activities, and lesbians.
Just because a man doesn't hit or rape a woman doesn't mean he's not been raised with abusive, demeaning ideals about women that women can feel and see. Subtle actions and comments remind women that men are taught to dominate. Not that they're born evil, but that they've been socially encouraged (cont)
(cont) to think of themselves as better than everyone else who is not a man. I think many men don't intentionally choose to buy into those notions, but the lessons of feminine inferiority and masculine aggression is so deeply permeated into our culture and reinforced in daily lessons in our peer groups, media, and leadership, that many of us aren't even aware of the messages anymore because they're so commonplace.
When you become aware of how the deck is so stacked against women, gays, and men who don't buy into the definition of masculinity they're fed, one reaction a person may have is to develop a phobia of men. I suggest that in some cases it may not be the fear of men as individuals so much as the fear of masculine values and the acceptance of violence and domination which masculine values in our culture promote.
When someone says they fear men or fear rape compulsively, it's selfish and unproductive to make it about you. It's not a "You are bad" statement this discussion of phobia is raising. It should be a dialogue about acknowledging our society's acceptance and glorification of violence and dominance over the traditionally feminine. If one really wants to do anything about this phobia, asking what we can do to work on the issues that cause it together is going to be far more productive than saying 'I don't do it and people I know don't do it, so stop blaming us.' (cont)
(cont) And, in response to the author of the article, summing up an explanation of Androphobia and Virtinitiphobia with the idea that the victim of male-on-female or male-on male-violence should simply go to therapy to feel better is expecting the victim to be responsible for their victimization. By all means, a person should seek help for their emotions, but the real key to addressing Androphobia and Virginitiphobia needs to be focusing on the perpetrators- men who victimize, women who victimize, and the social values of violence and domination over the weak (read: women, gay men, men who don't perform traditional masculinity, and lesbians). Our desire to create a society of superiors over 'others', and the violence those in charge commit on those they dominate, pops up in history over and over and continues to be a struggle of humanity.
Men and women don't get a fear of men because there are a handful of bad men in the world, it happens because we as a society enforce and celebrate behavior that damages women and social minorities and I suggest that those who suffer from Androphobia and Virginitiphobia can work on their own emotional recoveries but may continue to struggle with their fears so long as we, as a society, continue to value the behaviors that lead to violence in the first place.
I welcome the inevitable "tl;dr" response! n....n
im 15 and have androphobia. ive been molested more than once when i was younger by men and that left me physically and emotionaly wounded. im in high school so i have to be around men on a daily bases. anytime a man sits next to me in class i start to shake and sometimes it makes me want to kill myself. i am currently in thereapy for this. i completely understand that not all men are like this and some are very nice and good people. i would like to be in a relationship but it just scares the crap out of me. just being in the same room as a man scares the crap out of me. i really want to be over this fear because i know there are good men out their but i just feel like i its impossible and i will live the rest of my life alone.
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